Some of the things said on this one:

"Love the part on the swingset"- Auntie
"Very nice"- Hell
"I'm a little teary-eyed. Got caught up in the moment. Amazing, Joey"- JD
"Awesome Episode"- Rach
"They better make a tv show out of it"- Natasja
"Amazingly well done"- QB

<b>Episode 8- “Four Christmas Gifts”</b>
(Sorry about the long wait- heres the new episode with no commercials..Merry Christmas)

<b>Scene One- Outside Auntie’s Apartment</b>

<i>Sassy, seeing Jesse get out of the car, motions for Auntie to come out. Auntie approaches.</i>
<b>Sassy</b>- Auntie, you better get your damn ass out there. I will get on blood detail. Whatever you do, don’t let him come in the house.
<b>Auntie</b>- What do you think I am? A complete dumbass?
<b>Sassy</b>- The only kind of ass you need to be right now is a fast one.
<i>Auntie comes out the door, walking toward Jesse, and hoping noone notices him. She notices France walking out of her apartment.</i>
<b>Jesse</b>- (upon seeing Auntie, running towards her) I’m sorry, shortcake. I had to know where you was. I got your address out of your purse this morning and waited a half an hour after you left and started following. You mad?
<b>Auntie</b>- (resisting the urge to say yes) No. I just wished you’d listened to me, dammit.
<b>Jesse</b>- Let’s go in your apartment and talk about it, darling.
<b>Auntie</b>- My apartments being fumigated right now.
<b>Jesse</b>- If I can take your poison, sugarpie, I can handle anything.
<b>Auntie</b>- You can’t handle this. Let’s go get some breakfast.
<b>Jesse</b>- Well, how come Sassy is still in there if its so dangerous?
<b>Auntie</b>- Jesse, listen to me. Let’s go somewhere else.
<b>Jesse</b>- (looking uncomofortable) Ya hiding some man up in there?
<b>Auntie</b>- Are you kidding me? Hell no. I told you LETS GO!
<b>Jesse</b>- Maybe I wanna see for myself.
<b>Auntie</b>- Maybe you want me to extend my foot up your ass?
<b>Jesse</b>- If there’s somebody else, just tell me.
<b>Auntie</b>- There ain’t nobody else, Jesse!
<b>Jesse</b>- Then what ya hidin from me, shortcake?
<b>Auntie</b>- Alright! (pause) I didn’t want to say this- but FUCK IT! Sassy brought her a girl to my house. I am giving them the apartment to theirself.
<i>Inside, Sassy slips on Nick’s dead arm and falls on her ass and yells out “Shit”. Camera pans outside and we see Auntie and Jesse heard it.</i>
<b>Jesse</b>- What happened in there?
<b>Auntie</b>- My sister is one kinky bitch. Let’s get out of here, Jesse. We really need to talk.
<b>Jesse</b>- I wasn’t born yesterday Arlene. What’s going on?
<b>Auntie</b>- Well, let’s go get something to eat and I’ll tell ya all about it. Alright?
<b>Jesse</b>- (not looking satisfied) Alright.
<i>Auntie takes his arm and walks him to the Chevelle. They get in and pull out, Auntie looking frustrated.</i>
<i>France, outside, notices Sassy open the door to see if they’d gone and closing it back, her shorts covered in blood.</i>
<b>France</b>- <i>to Phi, who is in her hands</i> What the fuck is it now? And why is she in Auntie’s apartment?
<i>France sets Phi down and walks over slowly to Aunties apartment and knocks on the door calling Sassy’s name.</i>
***OPENING CREDITS ROLL AS Mad World plays***

<b>Scene 2- Outside A Restaurant Named “Delicate Finesse”</b>

<i>Auntie and Jesse pull up in the Chevelle. The title on the screen reads “The First Gift”</i>
<b>Auntie</b>- I don’t know about you but I’m starving. (looks at a sullen Jesse) What’s wrong?
<b>Jesse</b>- You’ve barely said a word to me all the way here. Something is going on. Something you don’t want me to know.
<b>Auntie</b>- Let’s just go in and have some lunch. MY TREAT! And we’ll talk.
<b>Jesse</b>- Alright then.
<i>Auntie notices the park across the street and sees a couple swinging on a swing together holding their baby. They walk into the luncheon.</i>
<b>Carly</b>- (at door) Good Evening. My name is Carly and I will be your server. Is this a party of two?
<b>Auntie</b>- No. Me and my other personalities want some extra chairs. What do you think?
<b>Carly</b>- I’m sorry. Right this way.
<b>Jesse</b>- Probably can’t smoke in here right.
<b>Auntie</b>- You can’t smoke anywhere in this city except under a blanket in the dark in your fucking bedroom.
<b>Carly</b>- (tense) Right this way.
<i>She seats them.</i>
<b>Carly</b>- I’ll give you some time to look at the menu and I’ll be right back.
<b>Auntie</b>- Surely.
<b>Jesse</b>- OK. We’re here. What’s going on?
<b>Auntie</b>- Jesse, I’m only going to tell you once. I have been on a long drive with my crazy sister. I barely get settled in and here you come. We then have to leave right away. I haven’t had a minutes peace in days so GIVE ME A BREAK!
<b>Jesse</b>- (sorry) I know. I just worry about ya that’s all. I can see it in your eyes, honey. Something is definetly wrong.
<b>Auntie</b>- Seriously, Jesse. I am just tired. And I am still surprised you followed me up here after I told you it’d be best to wait.
<b>Jesse</b>- That’s just it, Arlene. I have been waiting for a long time to see you again. Without warning, just when I felt I mighta given up, here you come back again. All those feelings are just as strong as ever. Don’t you see? I love you, Arlene, and I am never gonna stop loving you.
<b>Auntie</b>- (puts her head in her hands) Oh, Jesse. Dammit. We’ve went over this not that many hours ago.
<b>Jesse</b>- And..
<b>Auntie</b>- Jesse, you got to give me some time.
<b>Jesse</b>- But why? Don’t you feel it too. I saw your crying when we were making love. You felt it too! SO what’s the problem? Why do we have to wait?
<b>Auntie</b>- Jesse, not here. Not in “Delicate fucking Finesse”. That gap-toothed bitch is gonna be back here asking what we want. So look at your damn menu and order something.
<b>Jesse</b>- But I thought that’s what we come here for. To talk.
<b>Auntie</b>- And we can. Just not about that yet.
<b>Jesse</b>- Why?
<b>Auntie</b>- I’m changing the subject until we get out of here.
<b>Carly</b>- (coming back) Do you know what you want yet?
<b>Auntie</b>- Have I opened a menu yet, Carly? When I am ready, I will be sure that you’re the first to know.
<i>Carly walks off</i>
<b>Jesse</b>- If not here, when??
<b>Auntie</b>- When we get out of here (thinks a second), we’ll go over to that park and I promise we will talk about some things. But, for now, look at your menu and order something.
<b>Jesse</b>- (in a huff) Alright. (looks at menu) I don’t even know if I’m hungry now.
<b>Auntie</b>- Just order something Jesse. (takes his hand) Look, I promise I am alright. I promise there is nobody else and I promise I got things under control. So stop worrying, OK?
<b>Jesse</b>- (calming down) I’m sorry. I’m just worried. I know when something is wrong.
<b>Auntie</b>- And how do you know that?
<b>Jesse</b>- You get that look across your face. That tense look. Like that same girl I used to know who didn’t know how she would continue living when her momma died. You didn’t have the same look with your dad. I know now why and I also know you’ve changed a little bit. But, most importantly, I know something is different in you than when you left me so many hours ago.
<b>Auntie</b>- Look at your damn menu!
<i>They start to peruse the menu.</i>
<b>Carly</b>- You two ready to order?
<b>Auntie</b>- I just picked up my menu, Carly. Do you remember what I said the last time your plastic faced, gap toothed self asked me that? I said I WOULD CALL YOU. Understand? Or am I speaking a foreign language to you?
<b>Carly</b>- I am sorry if we got off on the wrong foot maam.
<b>Auntie</b>- Leave us be a minute. I WILL CALL YOU.
<b>Carly</b>- Yes. (She walks off)
<b>Jesse</b>- I just want to go on to the park.
<b>Auntie</b>- Well, you can go on to the park if you want. But I am hungry, dammit.
<i>Auntie hears her name being called out behind her. A stocky black female cop approaches her.</i>
<b>Auntie</b>- (to much surprise) Doll? Doll Thomason.
<b>Lt Doll</b>- Yes, Arlene. I guess you have a better selective memory than I thought you would.
<b>Auntie</b>- Well, how could anyone forget someone as annoying as yourself?
<b>Jesse</b>- I remember you.
<b>Lt Doll</b>- Yes, I remember you too. So, Arlene, how are you this evening?
<b>Auntie</b>- Not very much in the mood for nostalgia if you know what I mean.
<b>Lt Doll</b>- Still as rude and spoiled as ever, I see.
<b>Auntie</b>- So, I see you’re a cop now. I can’t even pretend I’m surprised.
<b>Lt Doll</b>- Does that make you nervous, Arlene?
<b>Auntie</b>- Nothing makes me nervous, Doll.
<b>Lt Doll</b>- Oh, but you should be, Arlene. I just moved to this precint and I wanted to let you know you were my inspiration for doing so.
<b>Auntie</b>- Well, isn’t that nice? Now I guess you have an excuse for stuffing that fat face with doughnuts.
<b>Lt Doll</b>- Well, Arlene, some of us choose to stuff the parts of our body that we should.
<b>Jesse</b>- Just hold on now. We are having a dinner and you are harassing us. So back off!
<b>Lt Doll</b>- (to Auntie) Oh, am I harassing you? I was just saying hello to an old friend.
<b>Auntie</b>- (slyly) So, still see Roland around?
<b>Lt Doll</b>- Oh, well, I knew it wouldn’t be long before you started getting personal. I don’t know nor care where Roland Patterson is.
<b>Auntie</b>- Well, you said your Hello’s. No need for the goodbye. The stench of jealousy eminating from you will linger in my thoughts the rest of the day.
<b>Lt Doll</b>- What business would a valedictorian have being jealous of the town whore?
<i>Lt Doll laughs lightly and sits down at the table closest to them</i>
<b>Auntie</b>- You know what, Jesse. I don’t think I’m hungry anymore either. (stands up at Doll) You better watch yourself. I will not be harassed.
<b>Lt Doll</b>- I wouldn’t dream of harassing you, Arlene. I don’t need petty tricks to figure out what your treats are.
<b>Auntie</b>- (standing up) Let’s get out of here, Jesse. (looks over at Carly) Don’t worry, Carly. This bitch is leaving. (points at Doll) And this ones staying. Take care.
<b>Lt Doll</b>- Got my eyes on you, Arlene.
<i>Auntie walks out with Jesse, who keeps eyeing Doll as they leave.</i>
<b>Lt Doll</b>- (to Carly) I think I’m in the mood for dessert.
<i>Auntie and Jesse cross over to the park.</i>
<b>Auntie</b>- Of all the fucking bitches in all the fucking places, she becomes a cop! When is this goddamn day gonna end??
<b>Jesse</b>- Forget her. You know she was always jealous of you in school.
<b>Auntie</b>- Oh, I know. I still say that bitch had valedictorian fixed. She’s just pissed because her boyfriend liked me better than her.
<b>Jesse</b>- Don’t pay no attention to her. Me and you are supposed to have a talk over here.
<b>Auntie</b>- (looking at him, then looking at the vacant swings) Wanna swing?
<b>Jesse</b>- We aint kids anymore.
<b>Auntie</b>- All the more reason. C’mon.
<i>They walk over to the swings sitting side by side. The park is now vacant except for them as they see a couple teenagers leaving.</i>
<b>Jesse</b>- I brought something for ya you know.
<b>Auntie</b>- What?
<b>Jesse</b>- It’s something I have been wanting to give you for awhile now.
<b>Auntie</b>- What is it?
<b>Jesse</b>- First things first. Tell me what’s wrong and tell me why you’re so angry. When I feel like you’ve told me a true answer, I’ll let you have it. An early Christmas present if you will.
<b>Auntie</b>- Why the hell wouldn’t I tell you the truth?
<b>Jesse</b>- I don’t know, shortcake, you tell me.
<i>Auntie sighs and starts swinging, feet kicking back to move faster. Jesse just watches contently a minute, waiting for an answer. She stops and slows down.</i>
<b>Auntie</b>- Jesse, this is the way it is. It is true that upon seeing you again, I started getting back some of the old feelings we had between us. I know you know that and you don’t need to be told again. Instead of going on about all of that, let me tell you again why I CANNOT be with you right now.
<b>Jesse</b>- Why? I don’t know any other answer you should say but yes- lets be together, Jesse.
<b>Auntie</b>- Just shut up a second. You been waiting for me to talk. WELL I’m TALKING! So shut up while I talk if you want to hear what I got to say.
<b>Jesse</b>- Alright. So talk to me, Arlene.
<b>Auntie</b>- (after a second or two) I like my nickname a lot, Jesse. My nickname is Auntie. Arlene loved being called Shortcake but Auntie still isn’t sure how she feels about it. When we had our love affair, I will certainly tell you that Arlene felt like she was on top of the world. Arlene felt like somebody gave a damn about what she wanted in life and she loved being called “Shortcake”. God knows her daddy never gave a shit about what Arlene wanted but Jesse did! Then Arlene made a decision that she wanted a career out of life and to get away from the hometown that was sucking the dreams out of her. Jesse was quite happy right where he was though. Things happened and years passed and for a long time, Arlene didn’t want anyone else either. However, over time and through experiences Arlene wouldn’t talk about, she became Auntie. Auntie has been doing just fine for quite a while and Auntie has more strength and confidence than Arlene ever
dared to have. Then, just when Auntie is feeling at her best, here came Shortcake and Auntie can’t tell who this shortcake is and its freaking her the hell out. Mayeb when Auntie can clear her head and do all the things she needs to do, then she might could focus on who shortcake is again. But, as it stands, I am Auntie, Jesse. If you love Arlene and you love Shortcake, you have to love and respect Auntie too. She needs some time. May even be a lot of time. Either way, that is her decision. Understand?
<b>Jesse</b>- (puts head down) But, you love me right? Don’t ya..Auntie?
<b>Auntie</b>- Of course I do. If I didn’t, I wouldn’t give this shortcake the time of day. But I’m going to. What Auntie wants you to do is turn that chevelle around and head back home. Auntie will be down to visit you and shortcake as soon as she can. But right now SHE CANT.
<b>Jesse</b>- I love you so much. (starts to pull something out of his pocket)
<b>Auntie</b>- I love you too, Jesse. Now what you got for me, briar patch?
<i>There is a long pause as we see the worry on both of their faces.</i>
<i>He pulls a box out of his jacket. The camera shows it’s a ring box from a jeweler. He starts to give it to her, hesitates and puts it back in his jacket.</i>
<b>Jesse</b>- (head down) I guess this gift can be one you’ll have to visit me to get, shortcake. (looks at her) But I know in my heart of hearts, Auntie will love it.
<i>Auntie hugs him on the swings. He holds her tight, knowing soon he’ll have to go.</i>

<b>Scene 3- At The Dez</b>

<i>The Title reads “The Second Gift” and then it says “A Week Before Christmas”</i>
<i>Ben is sitting at the bar again as we presume Dez allowed him back. Christmastime is Here is playing on the jukebox. Dezzie is pouring a drink for Jim, the man Ben almost strangled months ago. Jim eyes Ben nervously.</i>
<b>Dezzie</b>- (coming back to Ben) Can I get you something else, Ben?
<b>Ben</b>- (very sullen) One more scotch.
<b>Dezzie</b>- Ben, honey, you can’t keep blaming yourself for what happened to Hila. She did it to herself. You didn’t do it.
<b>Ben</b>- I don’t want to talk about it.
<b>Dezzie</b>- But when are you going to talk about it?
<b>Ben</b>- I don’t know.
<i>Dezzie pours him the scotch, looking at him empathetically.</i>
<i>Greta and Jekyll pass by him, looking very much in love. They take a seat at one of the booths. </i>
<b>Jekyll</b>- You are looking lovely tonight.
<b>Greta</b>- You don’t look so bad yourself, Jekyll.
<b>Jekyll</b>- (teasingly) My arm still hurts from that snowball, my little maniac.
<b>Greta</b>- (teasing right back) I told you not to mess with me. (laughs)
<b>Jekyll</b>- (staring at her) I could spend a week in those beautiful eyes of yours.
<b>Greta</b>- You are such a charmer. Well, look around you. This is “The Dez”. I told you it wasn’t much but here it is. I go here for a drink now and again. Infact, I see two of the other tenants in my complex tonight. (pointing out Elm and Ben) Elm is ..well I’ll just say it..a pothead. (laughs) He’s been having it kind of tough lately actually. And Ben- well noone knows too much about him but he comes here a lot. (looking back at him) But we’re here for us. I’m just rambling.
<b>Jekyll</b>- You could read the phone book to me and I’d be fascinated.
<b>Greta</b>- Likewise.
<b>Jekyll</b>- (smiling) Just wait till we get back to my house. I have been waiting for this night over a month.
<b>Greta</b>- I bet you have.
<b>Jekyll</b>- It’s not everyday you get to make love to a beautiful woman such as yourself for the first time.
<b>Greta</b>- The more I drink and the more you compliment me, the faster we’ll get out of here.
<b>Jekyll</b>- MMM! I definetly heard that.
<i>Over at the bar, a sexy girl comes walking up to Ben and sits down beside him. Hard Candy Christmas starts to play.</i>
<b>BB</b>- (to Ben) Merry Christmas.
<b>Ben</b>- It’s not Christmas yet.
<b>BB</b>- Just one more week, right? My name’s BB.
<b>Ben</b>- (reluctantly) Ben.
<b>BB</b>- Hi, Ben. I just couldn’t help but walk over here. You look like you lost your best friend or something. And well, I was just sitting there thinking as good as I feel tonight, I would be quite the insensitive gal if I didn’t come try to share some of it with you.
<i>Ben doesn’t say anything.</i>
<b>BB</b>- So, I see you’re having a scotch. I was never that good at holding my scotch. (after a minute) But if what you need is company, I’ll be glad to have some with you.
<b>Ben</b>- Whatever you want.
<b>BB</b>- (to Dezzie) Can I get a scotch just like his? (points at Ben)
<b>Dezzie</b>- Sure. (looks at Ben nervously and goes to pour the scotch.)
<b>BB</b>- (to Ben) So what brings you out here tonight?
<b>Ben</b>- Nowhere else to go.
<b>BB</b>- Come on. Theres got to be someplace else.
<b>Ben</b>- If you only knew how many times I have spoke those very words to myself.
<b>BB</b>- Do you like Christmas music?
<b>Ben</b>- I really haven't been listening to the music.
<b>BB</b>- Oh, so you're already that drunk, eh?
<b>Ben</b>- No.
<b>BB</b>- (sighs) Well, Ben, the words coming out of your mouth feel like they are taking a tremendous amount of effort on your part.
<b>Ben</b>- So they do.
<b>BB</b>- I see alot of people everyday who aren't quite having a Merry Christmastime in my profession. So, I do feel compelled to ask you why you aren't.
<b>Ben</b>- Tell me something about you.
<b>BB</b>- Avoiding the question, huh? (drinks half of her scotch) A few more of these and maybe you'll tell me.
<i>Ben shrugs</i>
<b>BB</b>- Me. Let's see. I am a single gal who runs a homeless shelter over on 20th. I come from a pretty normal family..whatever that means. My parents still live in Seattle so I don't live near them. Thank God for them. I will be going to visit them for Christmas next week. I have a little girl. Her name is Olivia. She is the most insane ten year old on the planet and SO BRIGHT. Half of the time, I find myself asking her questions about stuff you'd think I know. I graduated high school. College is something I had to wait on. And here I am..still waiting. (laughs) Well, theres the short version. (trying to get a reaction) And I like long walks on the beach (nudges Bens shoulder) I cannot make you laugh can I?
<b>Ben</b>- It's very hard to find things funny right now. Most humor is merely anger with a costume on.
<b>BB</b>- You're onto me. I am really a Stepford Wife under here. (laughs)
<b>Ben</b>- (turns to her) Do you feel any guilt in your life?
The Christmas Song begins!
<b>BB</b>- (taking him very seriously) I guess everyone does.
<b>Ben</b>- What did you do to make you feel guilt?
<b>BB</b>- (after a moment) Well, for starters, I brought up a little girl without a father figure. Her real one skipped town on me. I guess I feel guilt for believing in him more than anything. One I have held onto a long time is accidentally dropping my little sister when I was 12 and she broke her leg and was in a cast for a month. Ever since then, I have never dropped a thing. (finishes her scotch) I guess thats about where it ends but I guess thats enough. How about you?
<b>Ben</b>- My entire life is guilt. (She looks very let down)
<b>BB</b>- Ben (cautiously), you wanna dance?
<b>Ben</b>- With me?
<b>BB</b>- Yeah.
<b>Ben</b>- To Nat King Cole?
<b>BB</b>- Why not? Infact (grabs his hands and pulls him off of his chair...Jim at the other end of the bar nearly jumps as he gets up) I wont take no for an answer. (She pulls him to the dance floor. He reluctantly, emotionlessly, starts dancing with her.)
<i>We see Elm at another corner of the bar. He is drinking alone. His cell phone rings with Eric Clapton "Layla" ringtone.</i>
<b>Elm</b>- (picking it up) Hello. Fuck. Marcus, man, not again. How much have you had? Well I was trying to enjoy myself. Fuck. I'll be home in a little while, OK!
<i> A girl in a mini skirt starts fiddling with his nipples through his shirt.</i>
<b>Elm</b>- Well, Katrina, I gotta go.
<b>Katrina</b>- But I haven't gotten a stocking stuffer yet. (Laughs drunkenly)
<b>Elm</b>- Well, baby, its only 7 more days till Christmas. I'm sure I can squeeze something into your stocking before then. (flicks his tongue)
<b>Katrina</b>- You promise?
<b>Elm</b>- (after kissing her) You bet.
<i>As he wanders out, Ben and BB's dance has ended.</i>
<i>As Ben looks at her, he sees a flash of a girl running toward him. When he comes to, he looks agitated.</i>
<b>Ben</b>- I gotta get out of here.
<b>BB</b>- Can't we have another drink?
<b>Ben</b>- I have to go.
<b>BB</b>- Well, I was going to offer you my number.
<b>Ben</b>- Some other time. (He walks out of the bar quickly. Greta notices from her table.)
<i>BB walks over to Dezzie</i>
<b>BB</b>- (to Dezzie) Do you think he liked me?
<b>Dezzie</b>- I hope so. I just wanted him to have a good time for a change.
<b>BB</b>- Well, I appreciate the donation, Dezzie. And I quite enjoyed talking to Ben.
<b>Dezzie</b>- If he felt like someone cared for just a moment, it was well worth it.
<b>BB</b>- I didn't mind at all. (watches him leave with very interested look on her face) How often does he come in here?
<b>Dezzie</b>- Almost every night. (also watches him leave, looking teary eyed)

<b>Scene 4- In Viks Stik</b>
<i>The title says "The Third Gift" and then a title says "Christmas Eve"</i>
<i>JD and Natasja take a table at Vik's Stik. They are dressed to the hilt and looking a little high already.</i>
<b>JD</b>- Good crowd tonight. Wanna make a bet on who gets more numbers?
<b>Natasja</b>- Gee, lets see, JD. We're in a predominantly gay bar. I see a handful of lesbians around. I aint taking that bet.
<b>JD</b>- Damn! I hope Angelito gets his ass here soon. I'd like to win something tonight.
<b>Natasja</b>- Enter the karaoke contest. Not that you'd win with your voice.
<b>JD</b>- If I stripped alot, I might. A little JD goes a long way.
<b>Natasja</b>- (teasingly) I'm not so sure about that.
<b>JD</b>- So what'd you get me for Christmas?
<b>Natasja</b>- For the last fucking time, you WILL NOT find out until tomorrow. It was hard enough buying for you. You're the only guy I know whose birthday and Christmas come so damn close to each other.
<b>JD</b>- Don't you love that! I get extra love every end of the year.
<b>Natasja</b>- And whose end might it be tonight?
<b>JD</b>- (looking around) Pickings are slim in here tonight. When the Mae West drag queen is the most attractive man in my radar, I'm in trouble.
Santa Baby is being performed by a frightening drag queen.
<b>JD</b>- So what did you get our Puerto Rican friend?
<b>Natasja</b>- With that skank he picked up the other night, I almost got him some RID. Why I ever moved in with you guys, I will never know.
<b>JD</b>- His crabs are inpenetrable by normal means. (laughs wickedly)
<b>Natasja</b>- So are you going to karaoke?
<b>JD</b>- I will if you will. Infact, fuck it! You can even pick what song I do.
<b>Natasja</b>- Hmm.. the plot thickens.
<b>Jd</b>- (noticing Wout) Oh shit! Fucking Wout is here. I still can't believe QB fell for him. But, then again, as desperate as he is, I guess anythings possible.
<i>Wout notices him from across the room and goes to approach him</i>
<b>JD</b>- Oh God! He's coming over here.
<b>Natasja</b>- That would be my que to go pick our karaoke songs. (smiles)
<b>JD</b>- You're gonna leave me to him?
<b>Natasja</b>- Yes! (gets up) Remember- a little Jd goes a long way. (laughs, walks off for the karaoke DJ with a shit-eating grin)
<b>Wout</b>- (approaching JD) Merry Christmas JD!
<b>JD</b>- Merry X Mas Wout.
<b>Wout</b>- I see your in your usual attire. Almost nothing.
<b>JD</b>- And I see you have your usual attire. QB. (grins)
<b>Wout</b>- You mean Love. I finally found it. It only took going through a couple of assholes to find it.
<b>JD</b>- Poetic words from you thats for sure.
<b>Wout</b>- I'm sure you'll be performing tonight to gather some more attention. We all know thats sustenance for you. Like Mommas breast milk.
<b>JD</b>- I was actually bottle fed.
<b>Wout</b>- Why doesn't that surprise me in the least?
<b>JD</b>- With all the work you've probably had done, I am surprised you can even make the facial expression of surprise.
<b>Wout</b>- Ha Ha. I am not even 30 yet. I don't need any work. And some of us aren't as shallow as others about physical appearance.
<b>JD</b>- Why don't you get up there and squeak everyone a number?
<b>Wout</b>- Maybe I will. (he notices Qb is waiting for him.)
<b>JD</b>- I bet I get more cheers than you do.
<b>Wout</b>- Whatever, JD. (walks away)
<i>As Wout heads back to QB, who is now in a Santa hat, he has a flash of Anna screaming in the apartment as her eyes roll back into her head.</i>
<b>QB</b>- So, what did he want?
<b>Wout</b>- Same thing as always. His Christmas wish is to be cloned so there will be someone else who can stand him.
<b>QB</b>- Don't let it ruin your night, OK?
<b>Wout</b>- Excuse me just a minute QB. I am going to sign myself up for a karaoke. (heads for the DJ)
<b>QB</b>- (at him) BUT NOT ME! I will not do a karaoke tonight. I may turn the whole bar straight faster than Harvey Fierstein doing a pole dance.
<i>Wout laughs and heads for the DJ</i>
<i>As JD sits at his table, waiting for Natasja, he sees a red-headed girl that makes him do a double take. She turns and notices him as well.</i>
<i>A very flamboyant man starts doing his karaoke of Time</i>

<b>Ang</b>- (who runs over to JD and hugs him) Oh My Fucking God! It's Juan David Sarmientos! Can you fucking believe it?
<b>JD</b>- Still gorgeous I know. (smiles) And it seems to me that Ang is still one flaming hot redhead too.
<b>Ang</b>- I try. (so excited) I can't believe you are here!
<b>JD</b>- I live near here actually. Come here alot usually. Just not as much recently.
<b>Ang</b>- WOW! I am in town visiting a friend for the holiday.
<b>JD</b>- This is unbelievable. My Ang is here! For how long?
<b>Ang</b>- Till after New Years actually.
<b>JD</b>- Well, of course you know, you now HAVE to spend some time with me. I won't take no for an answer.
<b>Ang</b>- (eyes getting a sparkle in them) How have you been, Juan?
<b>JD</b>- I been good. I just got to hug you again and smell that amazing perfume you have.
<i>Natasja comes back, seeing JD hugging someone and rolls her eyes</i>
<b>Natasja</b>- (as she gets back) You are spending some time with me, goddammit!
<b>Jd</b>- (breaking hug) Oh, Natasja, this is the famous Ang I have always talked about.
<b>Natasja</b>- NO SHIT!
<b>Jd</b>- No shit. My fucking childhood sweetheart in Vik's Stik tonight.
<b>Ang</b>- (extending her hand to Natasja) Hi I'm Ang.
<b>Natasja</b>- (shaking it) Natasja. But you can call me Natasja. (scowls)
<b>Ang</b>- Ok. Well, I came with a couple friends tonight. I kinda have to get back to them but we'll see each other again before the night is through.
<b>JD</b>- (a sparkle in his eyes) You bet! (watches her ass as she leaves) Un-fucking-believable! I haven't seen Ang in nine years, Natasja.
<b>Natasja</b>- Yeah, I remember all the stories you've told me. Bitch broke your heart.
<b>JD</b>- It was a mutual break. But I do enjoy seeing you angry. Besides, I might of exaggerated a little to make myself seem better. (pause, still with sparkle) Me and Ang had some great times together. I never thought Id' ever find anyone as cool as her for the rest of my life. We grew up together, discovered alternative music together and we watched "American Beauty" together in the theatre.
<b>Natasja</b>- And she cheated on you too. Remember that?
<b>JD</b>- I was actually cheating on her too.
<b>Natasja</b>- (slaps his shoulder) You never told me that!
<b>JD</b>- I know. I wanted to seem like the good guy. We were young.
<b>Natasja</b>- You little lying Colombian dickface.
<b>JD</b>- You make me sound even more appealing. (laughs)
<i>Angelito makes his way into the bar and finds them, getting looks at his leather pants</i>
<b>Natasja</b>- (noticing Angelito) Over here!
<b>Angelito</b>- (approaching) There you fucks are. I've been all over this bar looking for you.
<b>JD</b>- So hows the skank?
<b>Angelito</b>- Your mothers fine.
<b>Natasja</b>- JD ran into his childhood sweetheart. (groans)
<b>JD</b>- And me and Wout will be doing a karaoke standoff soon.
<b>Angelito</b>- ¡La Ayuda del cielo Eeuu Todo!
<b>JD</b>- Only Satan is helping me tonight. (makes ears like devil horns)
<b>Angelito</b>- Does anyone even want to ask me where I've been?
<b>JD</b>- Oh, I know where you've been, my silly whorish friend.
<b>Angelito</b>- Guess what belonged to Jo? And they also found some unidentified fingerprints.
<b>Natasja</b>- Oh my God.
<i>The song ends and the DJ speaks again</i>
<b>Vik</b>- Next up is one VERY tired ho. Its Juan with "I'm Too Sexy"
<b>Jd</b>- (to Natasja) Oh, you dark skinned bitch!
<i>Natasja smiles.</i>
I'm Too Sexy starts playing.
<i>Jd runs up to the stage.</i>
(Jd tears off his shirt)
I'm too sexy for my love too sexy for my love (touches his nipples)
Love's going to leave me
I'm too sexy for my shirt too sexy for my shirt
So sexy it hurts (licks his nipple)

And I'm too sexy for Milan too sexy for Milan
New York and Japan

And I'm too sexy for your party (Starts straddling his shirt and riding it like a horse)
Too sexy for your party
No way I'm disco dancing
I'm a model you know what I mean
And I do my little turn on the catwalk
Yeah on the catwalk on the catwalk yeah (makes cat claws)
I do my little turn on the catwalk (spanks his ass)

I'm too sexy for my car too sexy for my car (Makes his body like hes starting a car)
Too sexy by far
And I'm too sexy for my hat
Too sexy for my hat what do you think about that

I'm a model you know what I mean (touches a young boys chin below the stage)
And I do my little turn on the catwalk
Yeah on the catwalk on the catwalk yeah
I shake my little touche on the catwalk (shakes his ass and spanks it some more)
I'm too sexy for my too sexy for my too sexy for my (pretends he'll take off his pants and doesn't)

'Cos I'm a model you know what I mean
And I do my little turn on the catwalk
Yeah on the catwalk on the catwalk yeah (we see Ang smiling at him, looking a little misty eyed)
I shake my little touche on the catwalk
I'm too sexy for my cat too sexy for my cat
Poor pussy poor pussy cat
I'm too sexy for my love too sexy for my love
Love's going to leave me (licks toward Natasja)
And I'm too sexy for this song (grabs his crotch)

<i>Ang gets up clapping. Natasja is laughing her ass off.</i>

<i>JD steps down from the stage. He eyes Ang and Ang winks at him. Natasja notices it all and almost looks jealous.</i>

<b>Vik</b>- Well, everyone, that was Juan with "I'm Too Sexy". And someone has asked me to let their karaoke be next and even tipped me. So, welcome Wout with a Janet Jackson song.

<i>Wout stands up as QB cheers.</i>

If begins to play. Wout jumps on the stage in a kimono with his nipples sticking out of it.

Sittin over here
Starin in your face (takes his kimono off and there is glitter across his chest)
With lust in my eyes
Sure don't give a damn and ya
Don't know that I've been dreamin of ya in
My fantasies
Never once you looked at me (winks at QB)
Don't even realize that I'm wantin you
To fulfill my needs
Think what you want
Let your mind free
Run free to a place no one dares to (trails his fingers down his chest)

How many night I've laid in bed excited over you
I've closed my eyes and thought of us a hundred different ways (pours a bottle of water down his chest)
I've gotten there so many times I wonder how bout you
Day and night
Night and day
All I've got to say is (takes off his shorts to reveal skimpy bikini underwear)

[CHORUS:]
If I was your girl
Oh the things I'd do to you
I'd make you call out my name (JD catches himself looking)
I'd ask who it belongs to
If I was your woman
The things I'd do to you (QB hollers out for Wout)
But I'm not
So I can't
Then I won't
But
If I was your girl (falls down into pushups and back again)

Allow me some time to play with your mind
And you'll get there again and again
Close your eyes and imagine my body undressed
Take your time cuz we've got all night, oooh
You on the rise as you're touchin my thighs and
Let me know what you like
If you like I'll go
Down da down down down da down down
I'll hold you in my hand and baby (starts imitating JDs performance on purpose)

Your smooth and shiny
Feels so good against my lips sugar
I want you so bad I can (licks his fingers)
Taste your love right now baby
Day and night
Night and day
All i've got to say is

[CHORUS (2x)]

I've laid in bed excited over you (lays down on the stage and rubs his hands all over himself)
One hundred different way I've thought ya
Many, maaany
(day and night, night and day)
Allll I got to say is

[CHORUS (3x)] (dances provocatively throughout)

<i>JD does not look happy as the cheers are louder for WOut</i>
<b>Vik</b>- Thanks again, everyone, for coming out tonight. We still have some more performances coming for you. But, first, I'd like to say tonight is dedicated to my deceased boyfriend, Mark. His unexpected death has made my last month as difficult as it gets. Thank you all for being there for me and all the people who filled in while I was away. Merry Christmas to you all! A round of free drinks is coming around for everyone compliments of me. (fighting back the tears) Next up, we have a performance from Ang. She is a visitor here so show her some love. She has a dedication.
<i>Natasja's eyes raise in anger. Angelito is eyeing her.</i>
<i>Ang approaches the stage.</i>
<b>Ang</b>- I have a special impromptu dedication tonight. It is my Christmas gift to the very talented performer of "I'm Too Sexy" from earlier..Juan David Sarmientos! Me and him were high school sweethearts. Infact, we found out most of who we are through each other. I know him as well as he knows me. I have also seen that special, sweet, loving side of JD that so few get to see. But then again, thats the way delicassys are- only few get to have a taste. JD is a commodity all his own. So, Juan, heres a song from your Ang to you. Hope it brings a memory or two.

Linger starts to play. She dances with herself through the intro. Her eyes never leave his through the song.

If you, if you could return
Dont let it burn, dont let it fade (winks at him)
Im sure Im not being rude
But its just your attitude
Its tearing me apart
Its ruining everything (camera pans to JDs face beaming to Angelito who looks horny to Natasja who looks fit to be tied)
And I swore, I swore I would be true
And honey so did you
So why were you holding her hand
Is that the way we stand
Were you lying all the time
Was it just a game to you (blows a kiss to JD)

But Im in so deep
You know Im such a fool for you
You got me wrapped around your finger
Do you have to let it linger
Do you have to, do you have to
Do you have to let it linger (JD looks off in thought, has memories of the two of them going to a concert, watching "American Beauty", kissing, splashing water on each other at a waterfall, getting naked in the sand together)

Oh, I thought the world of you
I thought nothing could go wrong
But I was wrong
I was wrong
If you, if you could get by
Trying not to lie
Things wouldnt be so confused
And I wouldnt feel so used
But you always really knew
I just wanna be with you (A tear falls from JD's eyes)

And Im in so deep
You know Im such a fool for you (she looks teary eyed)
You got me wrapped around your finger
Do you have to let it linger
Do you have to. do you have to
Do you have to let it linger (she comes down from the stage, carrying the mic)

And Im in so deep
You know Im such a fool for you
You got me wrapped around your finger (Wout hugs QB, Qb kisses him)
Do you have to let it linger
Do you have to, do you have to
Do you have to let it linger (Angelito gives JD a hug)

You know Im such a fool for you (Natasja runs for the restroom)
You got me wrapped around your finger
Do you have to let it linger
Do you have to, do you have to
Do you have to let it linger
(She ends the song getting to his table and says "Merry Christmas JD". He gets up and kisses her passionately.)

<b>Scene Five- Lauryn and Ryans apartment</b>
<i>The title reads "The Fourth Gift". Then it says "Christmas Day"</i>
The Chipmunk Song brings the scene in.
<i>Lauryn is getting food out of the oven. We see Oba, Eugene and Hailies (who is out of the hospital). Ryan is getting the presents all under the tree in the next room.</i>
<b>Oba</b>- (to Eugene) What is up with you?
<b>Eugene</b>- Nothing.
<b>Oba</b>- You haven't talked much to me today.
<b>Eugene</b>- I have things on my mind. (We hear screams of Em while looking into his face.)
<b>Oba</b>- How about you Hailies? Did you call Mary today?
<b>Hailies</b>- (laughs) Mary is fine. She will be getting out soon too. (has a far away look in her eyes. Camera pans as she watches Alex decorating the tree in her mind.)
<b>Lauryn</b>- Everything should be ready in about twenty minutes.
<i>Everybody gets up scrambling to their rooms.</i>
<b>Ryan</b>- (coming into the kitchen where Lauryn is, kissing her neck from behind) Twenty minutes huh?
<b>Lauryn</b>- I guess I could leave things cooking. (smiles)
Jingle Bell Rock starts to play.
<i>Ryan leads Lauryn to the bedroom. They can't stop staring at each other. He chases her into the bedroom, locking the door behind them. He pulls her shorts off, throwing her on the bed. He starts kissing her stomach, taking his teeth and taking off her panties. He starts licking her all around, making his way to her. She starts groping her breasts through her shirt. She pulls his hair, pulling him into her deeper as the song plays.</i>
<i>During the sex, we see camera switches to Oba and Eugene wrestling in Oba's bedroom. We see Hailies walk over to the tree and touches the ornaments Alex touches. Alex holds mistletoe over her head and she kisses him. We then go back to Lauryn and Ryan. Lauryn has a few beads of sweat on her forehead and Ryan's hands are muffling her mouth as she wants to moan. She pulls him up from her and sets him on the bed, undoing his pants button by button, smiling. She goes down on Ryan. At first, he looks immersed in pleasure until he looks on the wall and sees a picture of Harley Quinn and a sad look passes across his face for a moment and then he tries to get back in the moment. We then see Ryan's eyes looking at a present he has hid in the closet wrapped and it says "To My Beloved Lauryn- Merry Christmas". Ryan muffles his moan as he cums as the song keeps repeating over.</i>
<i>In Obas room</i>
<b>Oba</b>- What?
<b>Eugene</b>- I have something I want to show you. I feel like we're the closest of brothers now and theres been something I have been wanting to show you.
<b>Oba</b>- Does it have anything to do with where you go every day?
<b>Eugene</b>- Of course it does. Tomorrow, I plan on showing you.
<i>Oba's eyes raise in curiousity</i>
<i> Back in the bedroom, Lauryn comes back up to him and kisses him.</i>
<b>Lauryn</b>- I love you so much.
<b>Ryan</b>- I love you, Lauryn, with all of my heart and soul.
<b>Lauryn</b>- I love our spontaneous quickies. Noone has EVER been able to get me off as fast as you can.
<b>Ryan</b>- Likewise, Lynny.
<b>Lauryn</b>- (seeing Harley Quinns pic) I wish you could see your daughter today.
<b>Ryan</b>- I'll find where Kimmy went. I got two different people working on it. With the job I have now, I can afford it. Kimmy doesn't know what Ryan has been up to. (smiles)
<b>Lauryn</b>- This is the best Christmas I think I have ever had.
<b>Ryan</b>- I promise that every Christmas is gonna be like this. (kisses her)
<b>Lauryn</b>- I gotta go check on the food again in a minute.
<b>Ryan</b>- We still got a couple minutes.
<b>Lauryn</b>- Quite resourceful aren't we?
<b>Ryan</b>- Yes, we certainly are. (kisses her again)
<b>Lauryn</b>- I hope Hell and Garrett get back soon. I told them when dinner would be ready. They are late.
<b>Ryan</b>- I'm sure they'll be along. (sly smile)
<b>Lauryn</b>- What are you smiling about? I know Naughty Ryan. He keeps coming out more and more by the day. What do you have up your sleeve?
<b>Ryan</b>- Go look in the closet and you'll see.
<i>As Lauryn gets up toward the closet, the scene changes to Hell and Garrett making out at a lookout.</i>
<b>Hell</b>- You have got me so wet. What are you gonna do?
<b>Garrett</b>- What do you want me to do?
<b>Hell</b>- Whatever comes to mind. (smiles)
<b>Garrett</b>- I can't wait to show you what I got you for Christmas when we get back home.
<b>Hell</b>- And I can't wait to show you what I got you.
<b>Garrett</b>- Well, this has already been the coolest fucking Christmas I have ever had. I can't imagine one getting any better. I have you. I have a family. Fantastic sex. (they both smile) What more could anybody want?
<b>Hell</b>- Auntie and JD's heads on a stick?
<b>Garrett</b>- Could live with that too.
<b>Hell</b>- For me, the best part is Liv has been gone for almost two months. Maybe, with any luck, the bitch is dead!
<b>Garrett</b>- That would actually make me belive in Santa Clause. Hell, maybe even Jesus Christ.
<b>Hell</b>- We better get back soon.
<b>Garrett</b>- I was thinking we could make use of this place first. Especially since you're all wet.
<b>Hell</b>- Well, I think that's a great idea. (kisses Garrett deep)
<i>They start making out and taking off each others clothes. In the corner of Helen's eyes, she thinks she sees someone. As the distant figure seems to get closer, she sees what looks like two people. She is enjoying Garrett but distracted by what looks like two people getting closer.</i>
<i>After she closes her eyes a minute as Garrett plunges inside her, she dreams of a field of daisies. When she opens her eyes, She sees Liv standing near them. She has a bucket of something. She throws scalding hot water on them.</i>
<i>Garrett gets up, freaked out, as Helen screams. Liv has a gun she pulls from her bag. There is a strange man next to her. We see its Noah- the man in bandages.</i>
<b>Hell</b>- What the fuck are you doing, Liv?
<b>Liv</b>- Thought you got rid of me didn't you? No. I never forget those people on my shitlist.
<b>Garrett</b>- Whatever you're thinking of doing, Liv, DONT!
<b>Liv</b>- I don't want to kill either of you. I just want you to come somewhere with me.
<b>Hell</b>- I can't believe this is happening. Can I get dressed?
<b>Liv</b>- (screaming) NO! Where we're going, I'd prefer you in your natural habitat.
<b>Hell</b>- What are you doing? Who is that? (pointing at Noah)
<b>Noah</b>- Just think of me as someone who doesn't like you. Someone who is far less dangerous than your boyfriend is.
<b>Garrett</b>- Go to Hell!
<b>Noah</b>- You mean you haven't told her Garrett. Why you're at Bundy Complex in the first place I mean.
<b>Hell</b>- It doesn't matter.
<b>Noah</b>- Really? It doesn't matter that you boyfriend burned a school down three years ago. Does it matter to you that thirteen people were killed in the inferno?
<i>Hells eyes raise. Garretts look as if they are boiling over in anger.</i>
<b>Noah</b>- Does it matter that six of those thirteen were children?
<i>Liv smiles sadistically, almost like she is clinging on to what humanity is left in her.</i>
<b>Noah</b>- Does it matter to you that he knew there were thirteen people in there?
<b>Hell</b>- I'm not going to believe anything you fuckers say!
<b>Garrett</b>- (looking nervous) They're lying Helen. I don't know where they got this shit BUT THEY"RE LYING! (Garrett punches the ground beside him)
<b>Liv</b>- Well, theres someone else I'd like to see whether they believe it or not.
<b>Hell</b>- Who?
<b>Liv</b>- Well, you can't ever say I didn't get you anything for Christmas.
<i>Noah smiles</i>

<b>Hell</b>- It's going to be over for you after this, Liv! OVER!
<b>Liv</b>- Oh, I don't think so. It's in Aunties best interest that I will be just fine. And everyone elses.
<b>Noah</b>- (motions them up the hill) Hurry now! We have to show you your present.
<i>Garrett and Hell cautiously go up the hill, angry and nervous</i>
<b>Liv</b>- (turning to some other figure) Well, this is what I wanted to show you. This is what your daughter is doing these days.
<i>Hell sees her mother, Liria, tied up. Liv laughs and turns to Hell and pushes her to the ground.</i>
<b>Liv</b>- Merry Fucking Christmas, Helen!

***THE END
Wonderful Christmastime plays over the end credits.

I dont really care to tell you how I feel, you nosy queer!!


Should have voted for that

I liked the episode. a bit slow in parts, but still a nice Serial episode with some beautiful moments.


Looking forward to the fucking crazy mess of the next episode