This one was called "a sterling effort" by QB and "lots of fun" by Lin...
This is Episode 3!!
EPISODE THREE- "Auntie Up"
*Scene opens with Auntie and a hobbling Nick walking into an office with <b>Dr. Lee</b>. Nick is looking peekid and nauseated. Auntie is irritated and Dr. Lee looks frightened.
<b>Auntie</b>- Well, Dr. Lee, we’ve gotten ourselves into another fine mess!
<b>Dr. Lee</b>- I can see. What did you tell the nurses at the nurses station?
<b>Auntie</b>- I told them I need to see Dr. Lee. When one suggested you might be busy with another patient, I promptly told her to go fuck herself with a crucifix. And that’s when I paged you.
<b>Dr. Lee</b>- You have GOT to be more civil with my co-workers. If anyone starts asking questions.. (nervous)
<b>Auntie</b>- Let me see here, Dr. Lee. I do believe you are the only person who has GOT to do something and that’s stitch my Nick up.
<b>Dr. Lee</b>- What exactly happened here? (pulling up his shirt, Nick looks like he’s about to pass out)
<b>Auntie</b>- (sarcastically) He fell down. (pause) This isn’t a domestic squabble. Just stitch him up.
<b>Dr. Lee</b>- (seeing the wound) He has lost a lot of blood.
<b>Auntie</b>- No shit, Sherlock. Get to it. Time is money.
<b>Dr. Lee</b>- (gathering some tools and washing hands) You know I have other patients also.
<b>Auntie</b>- (threateningly) Well, Dr. Lee, you may have other patients in this shithole of a hospital but I guarantee I am the only client who knows what you did to that vulnerable widow. And the slower those gloves go on your hand, the looser my tongue becomes and THEN that malpractice suit comes to mind. (Dr. Lee shrugs)
<b>Nick</b>- (barely coherent) I need some drugs.
<b>Auntie</b>- (to Lee) Well, you heard him, Dr. Lee. Give him something for the pain. The best damn thing you got. And (pause) Give Auntie some too!
<b>Dr. Lee</b>- (opening the cabinet and pulling out a needle and filling it up with “the good stuff”) How are things at the new complex?
<b>Auntie</b>- I am settling in just fine. Despite a few (looking at Nick) minor complications, things are going like they should. James broke these people in pretty well.
<b>Dr. Lee</b>- Is there any I will have to care for? If so, I need some names and medical histories. (begins working on Nick)
<b>Auntie</b>- All in good time. I think todays the day I make my intentions known. (looks at Dr. Lee) How much time we looking at here?
<b>Dr. Lee</b>- Well (annoyed) if you want me to do this correctly, I need to go at my own pace here.
<b>Auntie</b>- Fine then! (thinks to self) Well, if you’re all set here, I got me a cocksucker to go find! (starts out door, then turns back) I trust my gardener will be fine very soon.
<b>Dr. Lee</b>- All taken care of Auntie!
<b>Auntie</b>- Now that’s what I’d like to hear more often. All shit and no sunshine makes Arlene a mad Auntie!
(Dr. Lee begins to work faster, Auntie shuts door- watching him intently)
***OPENING CREDITS PLAY MAD WORLD***
***COMMERCIAL***
*Scene opens with Glenn taking a nap, bent over in a chair, his head resting on Billy’s bed as Nurse Jessica comes in, shuts door and walks over to Glenn
<b>Nurse Jessica</b>- (tapping Glenn’s shoulder) It’s time to wake up, Glenn!
<b>Glenn</b>- (waking up startled and does not look pleased to see Jessica) Jessica?
<b>Nurse Jessica</b>- Yes, Glenn. It’s me. How was your nap?
<b>Glenn</b>- I must have dozed off. (frantic) What time is it?
<b>Nurse Jessica</b>- If you are wondering if a certain someone is here, YES! She brought in a boy toy with some stab wounds. I venture she’s looking for you right now from the look on your face.
<b>Glenn</b>- I have to go soon. I’m not ready to face her yet this morning.
<b>Nurse Jessica</b>- No, I think you have other pressing issues at hand. (Glenn looks up at her) I heard your confession earlier. It seems you have become a culprit in a murder or two. (pause) Such a tearful confession that was. You would think a man of your intellect would have a little common sense and lock the door before confessing what’s in his heart to a coma patient!
<b>Glenn</b>- (exhausted) Oh Christ. (breathes in) What do you want, Jessica?
<b>Nurse Jessica</b>- Oh, nothing much. (gets a wicked grin) I have a proposition all figured out already. While you got your beauty rest, it came to me.
<b>Glenn</b>- What?
<b>Nurse Jessica</b>- I need some help with a specific task I’ve been having trouble with, Glenn.
<b>Glenn</b>- What is it you want me to do, Jessica?
<b>Nurse Jessica</b>- There is a package I’d like you to take home for me. (smiles) It will be here soon. Until then, I will stall Auntie and you should tour our fine facility.
<b>Glenn</b>- (worried) If I don’t leave, she will find me here and I’m not prepared to talk to her yet.
<b>Nurse Jessica</b>- I’ll take care of it. If I know one place Auntie won’t go, it’s the cafeteria! Lets just say she doesn’t like it there. (after a moment) You look hungry, Glenn. Go grab a bite and I’ll be down in a while to wipe your mouth for you.
<b>Glenn</b>- (stands up nervously) Please do not tell her that I’m still here.
<b>Nurse Jessica</b>- I’m no fool, Glenn. I will take care of it. Now- run along to the cafeteria. I’ll be there shortly.
*Glenn looks at Billy and then walks out the door.
MEANWHILE- Lin comes stumbling out of Greta and Em’s laughing. Her clothes are ruffled and her mascara has ran down her face. She sees Ryan on his porch drinking coffee and having a cigarette.
<b>Lin</b>- (laughing) Good Morning, Ryan. You’re up early..and I’m going to bed late. Atleast there’s no surprises this morning.
<b>Ryan</b>- (looking her over) So, how was your night, Lin?
<b>Lin</b>- (walking toward her own apartment quite slow and wobbling) Just spiffy, Ryan. Now if I could just make it home.
<b>Ryan</b>- You guys seemed to be having fun in the pool last night.
<b>Lin</b>- (laughing again) Oh yes. We had quite a time. You should’ve joined us. (passing Ryan getting closer to apartment- she sees two of the doors and has a splitting headache, struggles up steps as Ryan watches) Goodnight, Ryan. (laughs again)
*When Lin walks in, she sees France sitting on the sofa drinking. She gives her a look Lin knew all too well, drunk or not.
<b>France</b>- Lin, we have to talk!
<b>Lin</b>- Is this about the dating service? (stumbles in) I only made you a profile cause you need to be getting some, France. I think you got some serious blockage going on.
<b>France</b>- Dating service? Oh, mother of God, what have you done now?
<b>Lin</b>- Just a simple profile. Nothing more, nothing less.
<b>France</b>- Well, despite this other disturbing news, we have worse things to discuss.
<b>Lin</b>- My mascara? (laughs) I know I look like Tammy Faye Baker after she ran into a wall twenty times.
<b>France</b>- She died you know.
<b>Lin</b>- (laugh becomes silence) Damn. (confused) That’s not why you’re upset is it? (laughs again)
<b>France</b>- NO! (irritated) I hate we have to do this while you’re drunk but we have a problem.
<b>Lin</b>- Whats the problem, France?
<b>France</b>- Let’s say I came home stumbling too last night and I thought Phi had gotten out. She did but she was already home again (pause) and she brought something with her.
<b>Lin</b>- Is that pussycat pregnant again?
<b>France</b>- No, Lin! She had the hand of a dead woman with her and she was eating it. (looks digusted)
<b>Lin</b>- (just realizing what she said) What the fuck?
<b>France</b>- Yes, she found this dead hand somewhere and I think it belongs to that homeless woman.
<b>Lin</b>- (nervous a moment) You didn’t call it in, did you?
<b>France</b>- (abruptly) Of course not! I am not THAT drunk, Lin. (pause) Atleast not anymore.
<b>Lin</b>- Well what are we gonna do with it?
<b>France</b>- (annoyed, mocking her Welsh accent) Well I wondered if I could interest you in a game of Patty Cake? (breaks tone and gets louder) I DON’T FUCKING KNOW WHAT TO DO? I hate these fucking Catch 22’s!
<b>Lin</b>- Well, it wasn’t James. He’s gone. (throws herself on the couch) So who could’ve did it?
<b>France</b>- I am well aware that James has left us, Lin and I can’t say that bothers me but it does bother me that it is probably that creepshow in apartment 8. He was doing some freaky shit last night. That’s when I last saw her- face to face infact. I just know that’s her and I bet Ben did it. (pauses) If we weren’t stuck in this predicament, I’d call and have him picked up. What do we do lin?
*As she looks over at Lin, Lin has fallen asleep. France goes to get some more coffee. Phi is also sleeping as she passes her on way to the kitchen.
***MEANWHILE Auntie walks in Billy’s room UPSET!
<b>Auntie</b>- (To Jessica) Has that cocksucker been here?
<b>Nurse Jessica</b>- Yes, he’s been here. I’m afraid you’ve already missed him though.
<b>Auntie</b>- Damn! (after a moment of heavy breathing) I guess I’ll have to make a house call. He is really starting to piss me off.
<b>Nurse Jessica</b>- Can I get you anything, Auntie? (smiles wickedly)
<b>Auntie</b>- (looking at Jessica) That smile of yours is evil. Don’t you have a patient to murder somewhere..one that’s conscious!
<b>Nurse Jessica</b>- How is your “friend”?
<b>Auntie</b>- I’m sure he will be fine. He just always gets himself into trouble.
<b>Nurse Jessica</b>- What kind of trouble?
<b>Auntie</b>- (looking her dead in the eyes) He runs his mouth too much for one.
*Jessica and Auntie stare at each other coldly
*MEANWHILE Glenn is in the cafeteria, watching every person who comes in. A handsome man walks over with his tray and sits down opposite him.
<b>Shawn</b>- (in thick English accent) Is this seat taken?
<b>Glenn</b>- Knock yourself out.
<b>Shawn</b>- I think this horrid food will take care of that soon enough, eh?
<b>Glenn</b>- (half laughing) I guess so.
<b>Shawn</b>- (extending hand) Names Shawn! What’s yours?
<b>Glenn</b>- My name is Glenn.
<b>Shawn</b>- Visting someone here I suppose?
<b>Glenn</b>- Yes I am. I come here a lot actually.
<b>Shawn</b>- So you’re used to this rubbish (looks at food)?
<b>Glenn</b>- You could say that.
<b>Shawn</b>- Oh Dear! Well I myself will have to get used to it for a few days as well.
<b>Glenn</b>- Sorry to hear that.
<b>Shawn</b>- Me too. My sis is here actually.
<b>Glenn</b>- (beginning to enjoy the distraction) I’m sorry. How is she?
<b>Shawn</b>- She’s playing Diva in her room. (whispers teasingly) That is why I am down here. (back to normal) She just had a tumor removed. Tough operation. She has to lie up here another day or two. (turns focus to Glenn) What about you? Who are you here for?
<b>Glenn</b>- I have a very close friend in a coma and I come here and visit him a lot.
<b>Shawn</b>- My word- what happened? Or is it alright to ask?
<b>Glenn</b>- It’s fine, really. I have become used to it these last months.
<b>Shawn</b>- Sounds very painful, Glenn.
<b>Glenn</b>- It is. (looks less at door now)
<b>Shawn</b>- Well, sometimes, talking to a complete stranger can be very helpful if you need to get something off of your chest. And perhaps the maddening drugs they put in this food will make you confess anyway.
<b>Glenn</b>- Maybe.
***MEANWHILE Wegie, Jo and Oba are at the park. Oba’s eyes get large as he runs for it. Wegie and Jo hang back.
<b>Wegie</b>- Oba, don't go too far. Keep where I can see you, alright?
<b>Oba</b>- (laughing and running for the monkey bars) Oba stay close!
<b>Jo</b>- God, he drives me fucking nuts. (watching Oba)
<b>Wegie</b>- (turns to her teasingly) Well, I know someone who drives me nuts too.
<b>Jo</b>- (smiles) Yes! I cant wait to get some alone time with you again.
<b>Wegie</b>- Jo, I know you're only 17 and I could be your big brother, but girl, you are all woman to me!
<b>Jo</b>- I saw you getting jealous of Angelito at the movie theatre! Don't deny it.
<b>Wegie</b>- I can't help it Jo. I think I am falling for you. Ever since we confessed to each other what we did, I realized me and you have alot in common, Jo.
<b>Jo</b>- (sullen) Yes. I guess we were in the wrong place at the wrong time.
<b>Wegie</b>- Theres no harm in what we're doing, you know?
<b>Jo</b>- I know. People usually frown on 17 year olds making their own decisions. What they dont understand is we know very well what we are doing.
<b>Wegie</b>- And you are quite good at what you do. (smirks a bit)
<b>Jo</b>- Well that was <i>my job</i> anyway. (laughs to self)
<b>Wegie</b>- I am just so glad that Lauryn hasn't been herself lately. I don't think she suspects a thing.
<b>Jo</b>-The girl is clueless. (softer) I think she is doing drugs personally. She stays huddled up in her room too much. I know that behaviour.
<b>Wegie</b>- I think she's just overwhelmed. But I'm fine with that. The more overhwhelmed she is, the better off we are.
<b>Jo</b>- You talk about her as if she were a stranger.
<b>Wegie</b>- (realizes himself a moment) In some ways, she is!
*Oba approaches a teenager listening to his ipod over at the bench.
<b>Eugene</b>- (noticing Oba is staring at him, takes his earphones off) Can I help you with something?
<b>Oba</b>- No. Just playing.
<b>Eugene</b>- Well I am listening to my music and I get paranoid way too easily so you could stop staring.
<b>Oba</b>- I'm just wasting time.
<b>Eugene</b>- Aren't we all?
<b>Oba</b>- (noticing some drawings by Eugene's side) Did you draw those?
<b>Eugene</b>- (who loves to talk about his drawings) Yeah. Just simple stuff.
<b>Oba</b>- Can I see them?
<b>Eugene</b>- Sure. I guess so. They're just first drafts though.
<b>Oba</b>- I wanna see.
<b>Eugene</b>- (handing them to Oba) What's your name?
<b>Oba</b>- Oba. What's your name?
<b>Eugene</b>- Eugene. I hang out here alot. I don't really have a huge social demand.
<b>Oba</b>- Neither do I! I'm a troubled kid.
<b>Eugene</b>- Aren't we all?
<b>Oba</b>- (after looking over them) These are awesome, man.
<b>Eugene</b>- Thanks! Just first drafts you know. I like to draw whats in my mind. (after moment) So, what are your troubles?
<b>Oba</b>- I live in an apartment with alot of troubled kids who fuck each other all the time.
<b>Eugene</b>- (taken aback) What?
<b>Oba</b>- There are alot of sluts in my apartment. We have a woman who takes care of us and she couldn't be more ignorant.
<b>Eugene</b>- If all her kids are fucking, I guess she is pretty ignorant.
<b>Oba</b>- I have the best deal of all.
<b>Eugene</b>- What's that?
<b>Oba</b>- They think I'm retarded. That's how I got in. Avoided Juvie.
<b>Eugene</b>- Why do they think you're retarded?
<b>Oba</b>- Because I act like a complete dumbass and sometimes I have to go into spasms and shit like that.
<b>Eugene</b>- Why would you want people to think you're retarded?
<b>Oba</b>- Well I can't tell you that. I barely know ya.
<b>Eugene</b>- You told me alot already. What's something else now? (pauses, no answer from Oba) I guess it dont matter. Your life is way more interesting than mine.
<b>Oba</b>- Why do you say that?
<b>Eugene</b>- I'd tell you a big, interesting story but the truth is I don't have one.
<b>Oba</b>- We ALL have interesting stories, Eugene! I am learning alot of them where I live.
<b>Eugene</b>- Do you ever have a problem feeling things?
<b>Oba</b>- What do you mean? Emotions and shit?
<b>Eugene</b>- Yes. Emotions. (starts to hesitate, but continues) I dont feel them. I want to feel them and I try to feel them but they just don't happen. Do you know what I mean?
<b>Oba</b>- Yes. I kinda do. I didn't love my parents. I don't know why but I just didn't.
<b>Eugene</b>- My parents are so..so uncaring. They don't seem to care about anything. One time, I broke a turtles neck and busted it's shell out just to see if they would do something.
<b>Oba</b>- (interested) Did they?
<b>Eugene</b>- They just gave me a Xanex. They didn't even change expression.
<b>Oba</b>- Weird.
<b>Eugene</b>- You're telling me, man! Did you ever see that movie "Invasion of the Body Snatchers"?
<b>Oba</b>- Yes, that was hilarious.
<b>Eugene</b>- I thought so too. My parents are just like that... except without the cool plot.
<b>Oba</b>- Wanna see some dirty magazines I got?
<b>Eugene</b>- I guess.
***MEANWHILE JD and Angelito are sitting down over breakfast of omelettes, obviously arguing.
<b>Angelito</b>- There is NO fucking way you had enough time to fuck that many bitches in that little bit of time you had.
<b>JD</b>- What you do not understand, my dimwitted latino friend, is my charisma can make anything happen.
<b>Angelito</b>- Whatever, dude. Your game and my game are two completely separate things. I can get anyone I want and I don't even have to work for it like you do.
<b>JD</b>- I hate to be the one to tell you, Angelito, but they just feel sorry for a pathetic Mexican walking the streets without his lettuce.
<b>Angelito</b>- I am NOT a Mexican, asshole! And all I have to do is be myself and they come running over themselves to get to me.
<b>JD</b>- They're just looking for your hashish.
<b>Angelito</b>- (chokes on omelette a minute) Fuck You, Sarmientos! They only fuck you cause they can read the "I've Been Fucked Alot and I Won't Care If You Leave Me" sign spray painted across your Colombian forehead.
<b>JD</b>- Spick, please! I could do anyone I wanted to and I could do them much faster than you.
<b>Angelito</b>- You are so full of shit, Sarmientos! I am so glad I am one person who understands that.
<b>JD</b>- (in a derogatory manner) I guess you had alot of time to think growing up, picking tobacco in the fields with your familia.
<b>Angelito</b>- You are so in love with yourself aren't you? I bet you sniff your own underwear.
<b>JD</b>- When I can rescue them from under your pillow, I do.
<b>Angelito</b>- (frustrated) How about a bet then?
<b>JD</b>- Are you pulling that "American Pie" bit again? Didn't work on the last whore I noticed.
<b>Angelito</b>- NO! I am serious. Me and you. Any girl...or fucking guy for that matter..I dont care. We pick some random person in a bar TONIGHT and see who can get laid faster.
<b>JD</b>- I knew you liked it when we fooled around. (laughs)
<b>Angelito</b>- Bitch, you spent ALOT longer sucking my dick..not that I can blame you.
<b>JD</b>- Well your "verga" was alot easier to hold in since mine is much thicker.
<b>Angelito</b>- Your self-loathing is much thicker. My cock is way better to suck than yours.
<b>JD</b>- Liv sure likes putting her pretty mouth around mine. Haven't seen YOU hooking up with them!!
<b>Angelito</b>- Unlike you, I dont scope out Degrassi for a lay.
<b>JD</b>- No- you just frequent the looney bin next door. They are far too crazy to know there are MUY GRANDE VERGAS out there!
<b>Angelito</b>- Chaputa me verga, Sarmientos!
<b>JD</b>- My foolish puta, I prefer a challenge.
<b>Angelito</b>- That's it we are doing this! TONIGHT!
<b>JD</b>- I am supposed to go see Natasja tonight. She would LOVE this. Let's make it even more interesting. Let's throw her into the bet too. She would completely go for this. Three putas, one unsuspecting senorita or senor.
<b>Angelito</b>- You mean Two putas, one unsuspecting senorita and a penecabeza!
<b>JD</b>- Well, as long as you understand I'm the bigger one!
<b>Angelito</b>- Bitch, it is ON!
<b>JD</b>- You better get those military scraps pressed and ready cause you're gonna need every decoration you got tonight.
<b>Angelito</b>- We shall see, Sarmientos! (going off to room) We shall see!
***In Hells Room..
<b>Liv</b>- (grasping ticket stubs) Oh what a big risk you took. You go to a cineplex and hide yourself in a dark room all night. (mockingly) How very dangerous!
<b>Hell</b>- I'll tell you what's dangerous, Liv- when your Wednesday panties are on Friday morning.
<b>Liv</b>- Oh, how fucking kindergarten. I know you are but what am I?
<b>Hell</b>- You're just pissed because I WENT OUT and you didn't think I would.
<b>Liv</b>- What a waste! You go to a movie theatre and waste your day. You wouldn't know Life, Hell, if it fell onto your face and started wiggling.
<b>Hell</b>- I hope you notice the crabs when they start wiggling!
<b>Liv</b>- Fuck You, Helen. Fuck you with every last syllable in my goddamn vocabulary.
<b>Hell</b>- Well I know something I did that I bet you couldn't.
<b>Liv</b>- Take out your retainer before blowing someone for cash?
<b>Hell</b>- (sarcastically) Ha. You're so clever, Liv. There is alot more room in your body (looking at her waist) than in mine for clever bullshit.
<b>Liv</b>- Atleast I got tits! You look like you were stung by honeybees.
<b>Hell</b>- Well if having to have leftover fat filling out my bra is the answer, I'll just keep spreading my honey.
<b>Liv</b>- (vindicitvely) Is that what they call it nowadays?
<b>Hell</b>- (desperately) I met a guy yesterday. He was hotter than hell too!
<b>Liv</b>- Most hallucinations are accompanied by hot flashes in nutjobs.
<b>Hell</b>- No, baby, he WAS real! His name was Garrett and he wanted me just as much as JD does.
<b>Liv</b>- Then I guess he was pretending until a ME came along too.
<b>Hell</b>- JD loves me far more than he'll ever love you.
<b>Liv</b>- Go on, Hell, keep telling yourself that.
<b>Hell</b>- (frustrated, looks out the window) Just go away, Liv. I am sick to my stomach from looking at you.
<b>Liv</b>- (as she is leaving) I always win. (sterner) Just like I will with JD!
<b>Hell</b>- (loudly) GET OUT!
(As Liv leaves, Hell notices GARRETT in the pool outside much to her disbelief.)
***MEANWHILE Amauriel, Ayn, Grace and Elm are having breakfast.
<b>Ayn</b>- Amauriel, what is up? You have barely said anything to me this morning.
<b>Amauriel</b>- Can't a guy have a little silence?
<b>Elm</b>- Wow- this is a record. You guys went fifteen minutes being awake without fighting. (laughs, amusing himself)
<b>Grace</b>- (trying to change subject) So when are we rehearsing with Tjaman?
<b>Amauriel</b>- (wanting to change subject) Later this week.
<b>Ayn</b>- What day, Amauriel? Or am I supposed to guess that too?
<b>Amauriel</b>- I know how bad you wanna fight and I refuse.
<b>Ayn</b>- You were gone awfully damn long yesterday.
<b>Amauriel</b>- I told you already I had to wait for a long time.
<b>Ayn</b>- Well you've been disappearing alot this week and I don't know where it is you go.
<b>Amauriel</b>- You just love the drama. Make a big scene in front of everyone. There are no Oscars to give this morning.
<b>Ayn</b>- Well, whatever you were doing, me and Grace went out too. Went to the Dez infact.
<b>Amauriel</b>- (with unsubtle sarcasm) Sorry I missed THAT!
<b>Ayn</b>- I had a great time infact. Ben was there. You know from #8.
<b>Amauriel</b>- (even more unsubtle sarcasm) Again I really wished I hadn't missed that.
<b>Ayn</b>- He was (looks at Grace) flirting with me infact. It felt good to know someone still cares.
<b>Amauriel</b>- He was probably studying your proportionate weight to see if you'd fit in his trunk.
<b>Ayn</b>- Sarcasm. Nothing but sarcasm from you. You have no grip on reality. (starts crying, goes off to room) I'm going back to bed.
<b>Amauriel</b>- I am not going in there and holding her hand today. She always does this when I dont wanna talk.
<b>Grace</b>- Well first of all, you don't have to be so goddamn smug. She just wants to do things with you again. None of us hang out anymore. It's all business. You got Elm over here who don't tell anyone when he's coming or going..
<b>Elm</b>- Well, I didn't know I had to get a permission slip, Mommy. Can I still breast feed? I could become insecure without it.
<b>Grace</b>- And you, Amauriel, you are just crouching in a shell and shutting us all out- especially Ayn! Ever since we all got into the mess that is Bundy Complex, this band is falling apart and me and Ayn seem to be the only people who even care.
<b>Amauriel</b>- I told you (raising voice) REHEARSAL IS LATER THIS WEEK!! (silence)
<b>Elm</b>- You guys should just toke up with me, man! Forget about all this shit..atleast for one morning. I'd like to have my Corn Pops with less dramatic milk. Is that too much to ask, man?
<b>Grace</b>- (wanting to laugh and trying not to) You're such an idiot, Elm.
<b>Amauriel</b>- I'll smoke with you. Fire it up.
<b>Grace</b>- (breaking anger) Sure. What the fuck? I will too. Let me go get Ayn.
***MEANWHILE Greta has a knock at her door. She comes from the kitchen, coffee in hand, in her bathrobe. She answers the door and sees Qb with flowers. She also notices Auntie and Nick arriving home.
<b>Greta</b>- (half awake, puts coffee down) QB, what have you got there?
<b>QB</b>- Well you cant be in that much shock, Greta. A gay postman carrying flowers? Really now.
<b>Greta</b>- Well you are at an all-girl apartment. (smiles)
<b>QB</b>- (after a pause) Oh dear, they may throw me out of the club yet.
<b>Greta</b>- (laughs) So who is after Em now?
<b>QB</b>- Actually, my dear Greta, they are for you.
<b>Greta</b>- For me? (has moment of realization) Oh no. (reads card) OH FUCK! Adam.
<b>QB</b>- Adam..now theres a name that turns me on.
<b>Greta</b>- FUCK! FUCK! FUCK!
<b>QB</b>- It's been far too long, dear, and I'm afraid I'd be a bit rusty.
<b>Greta</b>- (calms) Oh, QB, the pizza boy wants me!
<b>QB</b>- Is that what you girls were doing last night?
<b>Greta</b>- Making a mistake. That is what we're doing.
<b>QB</b>- Strapping young lad that Adam was. Caught me at the corner and told me to give them to you.
<b>Greta</b>- Is he out there now?
<b>QB</b>- No, he left in his car.
<b>Greta</b>- The pizza delivery car?
<b>QB</b>- Yes, that one.
<b>Greta</b>- (clutches temples) Oh my god! What have I done?
<b>QB</b>- Do you need to talk, Greta?
<b>Greta</b>- Sure. You got a couple minutes?
<b>QB</b>- For my dearest Greta, I could do that.
<b>Greta</b>- How do you take your coffee?
<b>QB</b>- I'd actually prefer some tea if you have it.
<b>Greta</b> (pouring coffee) I dont. Can you pretend it is?
<b>QB</b>- With some of this AMERICAN coffee, it actually will not be very difficult.
<b>Greta</b>- (pouring coffee) Well, QB, we kind of seduced a pizza boy last night. And me, always being the one NOT expected to do so, decided to take the lead. Now it seems Adam is developing a crush. See, he was a (afraid to say, pause, then says) virgin!
<b>QB</b>- My! My! My! You naughty little minx.
<b>Greta</b>- I know. I feel terrible about it. (pause) But you know what's weird, QB, it is the most I have felt alive since moving here.
<b>QB</b>- Maybe there's a wildcat in there who knows why the caged bird sings.
<b>Greta</b>- (sighs) This bird just stumbles around waiting for the cat to eat it.
<b>QB</b>- I'm convinced my bird is a drag queen singing karaoke. That's why I'm locked up tighter than the 9/11 reports.
<b>Greta</b>- What am I going to do, QB?
<b>QB</b>- Do you like this pizza boy?
<b>Greta</b>- I have no idea really. All I know is that its wrong.
<b>QB</b>- What did his card say?
<b>Greta</b>- As if you didn't read it already.
<b>QB</b>- I'd like for you to blindly assume I wouldn't do such things.
<b>Greta</b>- (laughs) Well, in that case, he wants to take me out tonight.
<b>QB</b>- (after a pause of fake shock) Does this mean you're going steady now? (puts hand over mouth)
<b>Greta</b>- (shrugs whole body against couch) I am so fucked!
***COMMERCIAL***







