This will be a very boring thread about me and what i'm doing etc etc.

I rather make it a JD-only thread. You can read it, if you want to be BORED or want to know me a little better.

I'm putting a lock on it so no one can post. I know Natty and Greta can, but I'd appreciate it if ya don't




Here it goes...

May, 9. 2008


Dear Diary... today I swallowed a bug.

Love, JD.





































No, in all seriousness.

For whomever that has been paying attention. You'd know that someone was going to be living with us for a short while.
It's this old, but very sweet lady. She has been staying with us for two days now.
It is not her first time. She stayed at our place about three years ago. She helps my mom to clean up the house (I'm bloody useless) and she's just such a great company to me.

She speaks Spanish (She's Colombian), and is a lot like me in some ways.
We're both very easy people. And calm (Unlike my mom, who sometimes seems to be on Steroids).
Don't get me wrong, I LOVE my mom. But she really fucking irritates me sometimes with her panic attacks. She can't ever just take a fucking break.

Rosita is just somebody I could talk to for hours straight. Yesterday, we sat at my back yard and she told me about her life and stuff. We didn't even talk the whole way through, we just sat there, in the shadows. It felt really good.

She loves my cats, but they seem to be a little scared of her. They're not used to seeing other people in the house besides me and my mom.
Tidus was her favorite cat from the time before. So, she was a bit upset when we told her that he had died a few weeks ago. But hat's life.
She had given him a different name, Chispirito or something. It's a Spanish word, I think. It's not a word I know, but I know it's Spanish. I think?

So, where was I?
Yeah, three years ago she stayed with us until some people gave her a house in Spain. Those people are still 'helping' her. But, you know, not really.
She told me that they kept her there to work for them. Apparently, they didn't even pay her, and they stole all the money she received from the government.
So, now, she doesn't have anything. And she doesn't have anyone else to take care of her (She has no money, or family, or things) so her only option is to stay with those people.

She couldn't stay in Spain because all her money disappeared.
So the little witch that has been 'helping' her asked us if we could keep her at our house until they find a place for her.
That poor woman, she has almost no self-esteem. She thinks she's a 'stupid black woman who can only serve others'. And that breaks my heart.

My mom has been talking to her, maybe we can find a way to help her distant herself from those people that have been practically 'using' her for years. We just don't know how yet.
The bitch (Who Rosita calls 'La Bruja') just came and picked her up. Rosita has to take care of her house and will be back on Monday. It sucks. Not only do I feel bad for her, that bitch yells at her and everything. But after two days, it feels so lonely in here. My mom went to work so I AM alone.

Gah. I don't know what else to write. I wish I could help her somehow. She is so sweet, and she loves the Toasts I make for her in the morning. I wish she could stay with us. But is that even possible?
I think the woman needs her freedom anyway.

I guess we'll see what happens next. I hope this has a happy ending for once.\

Thanks for reading, or whatever.
Peace, JD.

Sorry if you just wasted your life reading that.



But i'll be writing something every day or so.

May, 10. 2008

Hey Diary... gawd. I am so fucking tired today.
Had to wake up pretty early. About three hours earlier than i've been doing in the last two months or so.

And the heat is KILLING me. I like warmth, but it's just too much. I can barely sit inside the house without dying.
And me poor kitties are also dying. I should go wash them today or tomorrow. They hate the water, so I should probably prepare to get scarred by those freekin' enormous claws of theirs.

Besides being tired and the dying, what else have I been doing today? Nothing. I've been thinking about getting a life, but I tend to fall back into my no-life existence *sigh*. What can I do Diary? *sigh* I forgot, you're not very good with advice.

Ah well, now I must get my mom a present for mother's day. What should I give her? I should probably make her something with Photoshop again. She's easy to satisfy. But she probably wants me to go swimming with her tomorrow. oh, god, no.

Ah wellz. Thanks for listening to my random bitchfest.

Seeya, Diary.
PS: I should probably name you, eh? What about Master-Of-Disaster?

May, 11. 2008

Wazzup, me Diary?

Today's gonna be a short one. Gotta wake up early tomorrow, so I should have been in bed about 1 hour ago. But I was watching this Documentary about babies on tv. Very informative.

I want some freekin' babies! I've always wanted them. Not only because you can boss them around and spank them when they don't behave. But because babies give your existence more meaning. Creating life... woah, that's like playing god or something.


My day was pretty good. Still didn't do much of anything. I helped my mom with the cooking, since it's mother's day. And we called up my grandmother. Poor thing is as deaf as a... deaf person.

Oh, and my gods. It was HOT today. The heat makes me brain act really SLOW. You know... slower than I usually does. It's weird really, I felt all floaty all day.

Oh, great. The neighbors are fighting. I wish I could blow their house down. But that's probably not happening without blowing my own.
20 seconds later and they're still fighting. For the love of all that is holy, shut up people ><


Hmz, yeah. I forgot what I was talking about. Too lazy to go back. So i'm just gonna go and try to sleep.
Or should I masturbate first? Haven't done that in like, two days or something. Ah well, we'll see.

Peace out, Diary. Say hello to yo' mama.

May, 12. 2008

Another quicky.
Many things happened. But I gotta be up early tomorrow.

So, today I had two-hour driving classes in the morning. Jeeezus. The streets were EMPTY at 8 in the morning.
I'm almost done with my classes. But the teacher doesn't think i'm ready yet. Neither do I. I can drive and stuff, but i'm pretty sure i'd end up killing someone or more importantly, myself.
So I guess i'll have to take extra classes.

After that, I went to the Nudy beach.
GORRAAAAMNED. It had never been THAT busy. There were parked cars everrrrrywhere.
I kinda walked around nekkid for 15 minutes and got bored. It's really boring there. There's a limited space and most people are either sunbathing or cumming all over each other.
I want to go to a BIG beach with clean water and a lot of space where I could take a run or what ever.
And the sun was killing me.

I felt like my head was gonna fall off once I got home. and my back hurts like hell right now.


Oh, and Rosita is back! Remember her?
Ah, she's a cutie. She was all like, 'I missed making you smile'.
But i've been kind of in a grumpy mood due the lack of sleep. Lack of sleep = Grumpy or Numb.


Meh, what else to say?
Well, I am craving Chocolate VERY badly. but I ate it allll. Dammit. I. Need. Chocolate. NOW! ><


Anyways, that's it for today. Seeya Diary.
PS: If I don't eat chocolate right now I think I might not survive the night. =(

May, 13. 2008

Dear Diary. What a horrible day for the world today.
I can't stop thinking about all those people that might still be buried in China. Or the people that lost their entire families and homes. I wish I could just go there and help as many people as I could.

They showed a bunch of images of dead children on the news and it just made me cry. If there really were a god, surely he wouldn't let innocent defenseless children die and suffer. Would he?

Bleh, what is going on with the world? So many catastrophes and so many innocent people dying. It's just not right.

I wish the best to the survivors. They have to go through the worst part.

G'night.

May, 14. 2008

Hmm, good day.
I am so loving Rosita's company. She's just so sweet.
momma had to work all day, so it was just me and her.

We went out for a walk, that lasted for about 2+ hours. I almost died and all, but it was fun!
She was like; Want me to buy you a soda?
and then I was like: No thanks, want me to buy YOU a soda?

That woman doesn't want to take anything from other people, she only wants to give. I wish there were more people like her.

At home, we watched '12 Monkeys'. Ah, she loves movies and knew Bruce Willis =O
And I don't have to explain the movies to her unlike with my mom. My mom is kind of braindead when it comes to movies.


I should go to bed now.
Both my mom and Rosita are with me in the living room, and they won't go to sleep until I do. They're totally teaming up on me ='(

ah well, I iz tired anyway. Had a long day.

G'Night bitch.

May, 15. 2008


Hey, Diary. Missed me?
Man, i'm starting to talk to you as if you were a person. I need friends <<

Rosita is moving out tomorrow. That sucks so mucho, mucho.
One week, and it feels like she's been here for evahz.
I wish she could stay longer, but she is getting her own place now. Luckily, it's not too far away. But it's still not the same.

She said i'm more than welcome to stay over at her house. Awww.
Poor thing peed in her pants today <<
But that's a different story.

Ugh, and my mom is making me get a job.
Blah, shut up woman <<
I promised to go look for one tomorrow. Kill me, kill me now.

Yeah, not looking forward to the next couple of days.
Working, no Rosita, nothing else to do. Blagh.

I should stop complaining now.
Wollah, I'll see what happens next.

Excuse me as I go eat my Chocolate Muffins.
And no, you can't have one.

Seeya.

May, 16. 2008


Ahhhhhhh, i'm so tired today mah Diary.

So i'll keep it short.

What did I do?

Well, had to wake up early to catch my driving classes. They sucked. I suck. Maybe it's because the lack of sleep, but I did some pretty stupid things <<


After that, Rosita was going to leave us. My mom was working, so it was just me and Rosita.
She didn't want to accept anything, but I convinced her to take some bread, cheese, ham and some other things. I even sneaked in a Banana into her bag.
She's so difficult when it comes to taking. She rather starve to death than take something that is not hers =/

Then we said goodbye and hugged and stuff.
But about three hours later, she came back =D
Her place wasn't ready yet. but I think it will be tomorrow. Daaaaaaaaamn.
Ah, she got me to watch a Jennifer Lopez movie that wasn't half as bad as I expected. She even almost got me to dance with her. It was a movie about dancing =\

Aah, anyways. I can barely keep my eyes open. So i'll say good night.

Sleep Tight.

May, 17. 2008

Rosita's still not gone. Yeeey <<
I hope she stays even longer.
We watched a bunch of films today (+ the new BSG and Lost), some of them were rather crappy. But hey...
She seems to be open minded and knows a lot about movies, which is awesome. But she doesn't like nudity AT ALL... every time there's a sex scene she goes like
"You like this stuff? I don't like pornography" <<

Pity. But minus the sex prudiness, she still rawks.


What else? Oh, i'm going back to therapy on Monday. That'll be fun <<
Ah, I guess my frakked-up self needs therapy. I hope it's someone cool. Guy on the phone sounded like HE needed therapy.


I guess that's for today.
I'll go play with myself now <<

Adios,

Ah, Didn't have one yesterday.

But i'm baaaaaaaaaack

May, 19. 2008


Ah, interesting day.
Went back to Therapy. Hadn't gone to one for like... evahz.
Nice guy, he has a weird hand though. He can't use it, but it shocks from time to time <<

Went to a sex-thing afterwards. but that's another story <<

And I bought the Hellraiser dvd. Sexiest cover... EVER?
I've watched so many movies lately with Rosita and my mom. Last one was Batman Begins. Rosita has a crush on Morgan Freeman. Funneh.
Another one was Into The Wild. They loooooooooooved it. It's such a great movie.

But yeah, Rosita's still great. She has a very dry sense of humor. My favorite kind.
Yesterday when she saw an Islamic woman walk by, she was like 'There goes a nun'. Heeh.
My mom is such a serious person, it's good to have someone for comic relief around the house.

What else to say? <<
Ooh. I'm burning a CD for Rosita. Hah, that's gonna be fun. She lost all her CD's, I hope she'll like it <<.
I'll call it 'JD's Greatest Hits for Rosita'. Meh, I'm so cheesy.

G'night Diary.

May, 21. 2008


Ah, another skipped day. I'm probably gonna skip more days. It's not like I have something to complain about everyday <<

Ah, today was fine. Went to Utrecht with my mom to officially 'sign' myself out of my old school. So... officially, I was still skipping school. For like the last two months.
Ah well. Glad it's over.

My mom CRIED again, it was very annoying. Don't get me wrong though, she annoyed me because she basically told my entire life story to the Deccan (Or however it's written) and always tells things the way she sees them and not the way they are. She wants me to grow up, yet doesn't let me make my own decisions. She's WAY too overprotective and still treats me like a freekin' child.

She's a good mom, and a better friend. But seriously woman, let me go -_-


Rosita is still with us, but not for much longer. I think she's going to leave tomorrow. Her new house is ready and all. Dammit ='(
I'm gonna miss teasing her, and watching movies with her. She gets movies better than my mom =o
My mom has watched a lot of movies with me, but she's kind of movie-retarded. I basically have to explain every freekin' movie we watch, same with tv shows (Lost and the X-Files for example).

I'll try to wake up early and make Rosita a nice toast before she leaves. She loves the toasts I make her. Who doesn't? <3


Oh, and another thing. i'm going through my biggest Chocolate addiction of ALL time. Lately, i've been eating all the chocolate I can find. I'm actually eating chocolate RIGHT NOW. Damn. Someone should stop me ='(


Fuck, 2 AM. Or is it PM? Am is morning, right?
Time for beddy-bye. Me iz tired. Must. Kill. Somebody.

Byeeeez

May, 23. 2008

Dang, I promised to go to bed early tonight. But my mom knows bettah <<
I such a night person. I don't really function well during the day. I sometimes even look and sound like a zombie.
Mom: 'What do you want to breakfast, love?'
Me: 'Hubbbbubbbbb' *drool*

I lovez tah night.


Anyway, what did I do today?
Feel grumpy for about 2/3 of it, really.
My mom was on my case all day. She wants me to get a job, and I probably should. But I don't wanna ='(
She got pissed off and started shredding everything she could get her hands on, and even threw my Battlestar Galactica Season 3 across the room. Seriously, WTF woman? I think she forgot to take her meds.
She hadn't done something like that in YEARS. I guess I really pissed her off. I seem to be good at pissing people off ='(
But all is swell now. I showed her my movie list and she's seen 45/100 of the films. Which is below 50%. I'm disappointed mom!
But at least she has seen 9/10 of my top 10. Only one she hasn't seen is 'The Shining', but she's not a horror fan. Ah, guess i'll have to make her watch it anyway. It's what I do.


oh, and Rosita is gone ='(
Man, that sucks. I can already feel the positive energy leaving the living room. I'll visit her tomorrow I think. It's like 10 minutes away on my bike. So, hooray to that. She's the closest thing we have to a family in the Netherlands.
You know how that feels like? having no family around? It stinks.


Ah well, good night then. Love you/

Ah, and

May, 24. 2008

Ah, a Rositaless day.
I missed teasing her with food. ='(
We were gonna pay her a visit, but didn't. Mebbe tomorrow.


Mom seemed to forget about her crazy moment yesterday.
She was in a good mood today, thank the gods.
We ended up watching the Eurovision Song festival.
You know, I never really watched it before. I mean, I have always seen bits and pieces. But not the whole day through like today =o
It's sad really, but I kind of enjoyed it. Besides a few stinkers, most of the songs were catchy and fun.
My favorite came in as fourth, and my mom's favorite was NUMBAH UNO!
It was a shirtless guy from Russia. I just looked him up and found a bunch of nekkid pictures. I got the impression he liked being naked.

That's basically all I did ='(
Iz is so sad. I spend most of my day on this freekin' empty forum. I seriously need to go out more.

Ah well, goody goody. Nighty night.

May, 31. 2008

Woah, been a while. Missed me Diary? no? ok then.

Pretty lifeless week. My mom is still pressuring me to get a freekin' job. I know I should =\
but will I get off my lazy ass and look for one? =O


Rosita just came to visit, she's talking to my mom in the garden. I should probably sit with them but I can't be fucked. Mebbe later.

She bought me a freekin' tootoo. Or whatever it's called. A specifier?
Ah, what a cruel woman ='(
But it suits me. She bought me one 'cause i'm always sucking my thumb or a pen or something else. I'm always putting things in my mouth, really must stop doing that.

Other than that, i've been having a Horror-movie overload. Watched over 15 horror movies in the last four-five days. Hadn't done that in for ever.


and i've been talking to Ryan a lot. Ah, he's a cool kid. He keeps me entertained.
And he's watching BSG for me. I'm so proud of mehboy.
He said I could stay at his house over the summer =o
could be fun? we're both tv-series addicts. I'm sure we'd have enough to talk about.
And he's part Indian, German, Polish and something else (what was it?). He comes in many different flavors. WHoo.



Aaagh, me mommah keeps pressuring me to go outside. And I shall.
As the light is dimming, all I ask is one... last... kiss ='(

Byeeeee.

Didn't check for spelling mistakes. don't kill me ><

June, 4. 2008

Today was a good day.

I helped my mom clean up the house a bit. It was def a mess.
my room was starting to rot. There were Cat hairballs and dead insects everywhere. The Carpet was starting to look like cathair was growing on it. and one of my cats had peed against the mirror. Hmmkay.
I'm disgusting, I hadn't bothered cleaning my room in weeks. I'm THAT fucking lazy.

Afterwards I got into ze showa. My gods, that was pure bliss. Reminded me of that shower scene in American History X. Not the one with the rape, but the other one.

I also rewatched Lost's season finale, I swear to the gods i'm going to kill myself once the show is over. I bet there'll be a mass of suicides once it's over though, so I won't be alone.

Oh, and i've been reading Ryan's stories. I love them, currently on the third chapter. This guy is really talented and it's a shame he doesn't see it.
Nobody has grown on me so much in a loooong time. I really really like him. I don't think i've ever met someone who I had so much in common with. It's scary actually. I was exactly like him around that age. Except, he's cooler.


Anyways, today was a good day. I'm happy. I'm happy.


Night Diary.

June, 11. 2008

Gah! Haven't written one of these in AGES.
Have to go to bed soon, another early morning tomorrow *_*

So i'll write down a couple of things I've been upto.

My driving classes started again. The teacher was on vacation and everything.
I'm really starting to improve. I still need to learn how to concentrate better. I suck at it.
But my driving is pretty good. I will have to go my exam on the 23rd I think of July.
I'm probably gonna fail though. I suck.

Therapy has been a bit of a waste of time. I liked my last therapist better.
This guy talks like 80% of the time. and it's usually about him. He even almost cried like three times now.
Fuckin' hell, it feels like he's the one who needs to go on therapy.
and it's expensive! I'll go like two more weeks and if it doesn't improve i'll just stop going.

What have I been doing?
Pretty much... nothing. Still job.
My mom doesn't force me anymore, my aunt insulted her on msn. Which was funny. I absolutely LOVE my aunt. She's always sticking it up for me.
She was like 'You're always forcing him to do things he doesn't want, and don't give him the space to make his own decisions' etc etc. She's really my Idol honestly. As much as I love my mom, I know i'd be happier if Aunt Martha were my mom.

What else?
Well, i've been talking a lot to Ryan. I love that guy. I like the male species, but I don't get along with most. Guys are just too competitive, but Ryan is not like that. I will be missing him a lot next week.

another person I have talked to recently is Liv. Another person that is very special to me and that seems to value our friendship strongly.
She has definitely changed compared to the girl she used to be, I think she has opened up a lot and seems to be happier than she used to be.
And she got herself a life, which is something I should work on.


Oh well, that's all I have to say for now.
Life's good at the moment. Though the crazy weather is making me nauseous.

Nighty Diary.

Again, no spelling checks. Sue me

June, 22. 2008

Dear Diary, I keep wanting to write but I somehow always end up doing something else.
Yeah, that's my excuse.

Let me tell you about what I have been doing, and what I am about to.

I'm getting closer to finally being done with my driving classes. I have about two hours a-week up until July the 15th when it will be my exam. If I pass, I get my freekin' drivings license!
Will I pass is the question. I still keep making stupid mistakes. My concentration level is very low.
I get easily distracted which is pretty dangerous when you're driving. Though, it's not as bad as it used to be. The guy used to correct me every 5 minutes or so. Now it's about every 15-20 minutes.

On Friday I have to do a test exam. To see if i'm ready, it's okay if I fail. I probably will. But at least I can get a glimpse of how it will be like on July the 15th.

Meanwhile my Therapist is boring the shit out of me.
I don't have therapy this week luckily, but I have it next week again. And have to do stupid homework assignments. Blah.
After that, the guy will go on vacation for Six weeks and I have to decide if I want to go on with it or not. Probably not.
The guy keeps giving me bad advice and he seriously puts me to sleep. Did I tell you I have a low concentration level? he keeps going on about his life and I hear about 1/5 of it. Rest is just me day dreaming.

Reason why I can't go to him on Monday is because I am already going to Rotterdam!
It's my first day of school, well, it's only an introduction day. After that I get more vacation.
I am excited. And nervous. I haven't gone to a school in like three months.
Last year it was like six. Will I ever finish College is my question.

My mom is also leaving me that same day. She's going to my aunt in Sweden for like 10 days.
My aunt's husband is dying. Well, he has been dying for years now. But apparently he's really gonna die this time.
I never really liked the man much, he has serious mental issues. But for some reason, he's always 'Juan this, Juan that'. Even though I've pissed him off a lot (believe me, not so difficult) he still sees me as his child or something. See, he never had children.
and he hates my dad even though he doesn't even know him -_-
He hates my dad because my dad never took the responsibility to take care of me.

But honestly, I think it's for the best.
My aunt has been married to him for like, 16+ years?
her last couple of years have been entirely based on taking care of him. He even poops his pants and everything.
If he dies, she will probably move back to Colombia and help Granny.

so,..yeah,. I will be motherless for an entire week. Will I survive is the question.
Last time I had to be alone (for like a week) I barely ate and my mom felt all guilty and stuff.
So now she left me enough food for a whole month -_-
and Rosita will be coming every day to see if I eat or not. Jesus, i'm not gonna starve to death -_-

Oh well.
enough babbling,. Time to go.
Bubye Diary.

June, 26. 2008

Quick update, Diary.

It's been really fun being home alone. Even though it does get a little lonely, I still get to talk to Ryan most of the day.

and I get to be naked most of the day. Seriously, I'm probably never gonna put on clothes once I get my own place. Unless people come to visit or something.

Rosita is still coming every day, it's starting to get a little annoying tbh. But I guess I wouldn't eat if she didn't come here. I don't even eat breakfast anymore, blah, eating is boring. I only eat once a day now with a little snacking in between. I haven't eaten today yet but i'll grab an Apple later or something. I have unopened chips next to me but i'm trying to eat healthier.
I made the rice yesterday, for the first time. It wasn't bad, but I accidentally put too much oil in it. Hmm. so it was like super greasy. Vomit.

Oh, and I watched this HBO porn documentary. It was very interesting. Being a porn star is one of the many things I would've liked to be. It's probably like in the top 5. But once you get into porn, there's no way back. Besides, I look like a monkey. and my family would probably be very disappointed if I did.
I actually registered myself at some naked casting thing a while ago and received a couple of e-mails but I never answered them. I chickened out and deleted my account. Blah.

Anyway, maybe I should go eat something. Rosita will be pissed if she finds out that I didn't V__V

Ciao.

June, 29. 2008


Okay, Rant time!

My aunt just called and apparently my mom was so concerned that she left today and will be back by tomorrow.
She thought I was going to starve to death because the oven wasn't working or something.
I can't seem to figure out how a mom's brain works tbh. I admit, I haven't been eating like, a lot. But i'm not like, starving either. and couldn't she have at least informed me before leaving?

She's going to be here around the time I have to go to therapy. but apparently she has too many bags so I will have to go there and help her. but if I don't go to that shit therapy we have to pay anyway.
What a drama. She doesn't even have a cellphone so how the hell am I supposed to find her in the first place?

Meh, I'll go and pick her up. and try to keep my mouth shut. Though I really want to slap her back into reality.
I've really enjoyed these last couple of days. Being on my own feels good. Maybe I should consider finding my own apartment but then I don't get to take me kitties X_X.

oh well, I'll go look for my therapist's phone number and find something to eat. and try not to die while doing that X_X

July, 3. 2008

Dear Diary, today I will show you some pictures.


That's my mom, she came back from her 'trip' to Sweden last Monday.
She had fun, she said my Uncle is getting a little better. Sounds just like every year, doctors give him one week to live and then he gets better all of a sudden.

My mom said Sweden was wonderful, she's trying to convince me to go but,.. meh. I'd die without mah computer.


I thought this picture was funny. Blonde looks good on you, mum.

this is my aunt

Poor thing, all she does is take care of my uncle without anyone's help. she and my mom have a very tight bond. She's really all the family we have in Europe =[

This is another picture of my mom;

Looks gorgeous. I love nature. But dang, it does not look hot enough to stick your feet in the water/

She whined a lot the day she got back. but now it's all better. The food... is definitely better.
We watched the BSG miniseries and liked it a lot. Now we have another show to watch since we finished Lost Season 4.
and I helped her put new wallpaper on the wall yesterday for like two hours. It was good helping my mom, which I normally don't do <<

Therapy was extremely boring. But i'm off the hook for Six weeks, whoo! I don't think I want to go back anyway.

Driving Exam didn't go very well =O
I had like a nervous breakdown or something. I could barely feel my feet. Ah well, I suck at exams. Hopefully it will go better next time.

And yesterday, when I was about to give my Cats some food I thought I saw a dead bird on the ground. Which isn't new, cause our cat Darla always brings back dead animals to the house (usually headless, but this one wasn't so that was new).

So I went to grab the birdie to throw it in the trash and all of a sudden it jumped =O
Holy crap. The poor thing was still alive, but it could barely stand. It was so sad.
I grabbed it pretty easily and made my mom call the Animal Ambulance.


Poor thing was terrified. My mom gave him some water and I tried to dry his wounds. They weren't even that big, but he did bleed too much.


I held him for like 30 minutes. Thing kept gasping for air. But eventually he started moving less and then he died.
It was sad, but at the same time it was,,, beautiful?
I could almost feel the presence of death there. It's hard to explain.
When Tidus was put to sleep, I got to hold him after he was dead. I saw him die and all, but this was so much more... haunting? not sure if that is the right word.
I mean, he died in my hands. Woah, it's something that will always stay with me I guess.

It made me think about life and death. But I don't want to bore you with my lameass thoughts, Diary.

I decided to give the Birdie a proper burrial. We usually just throw away the dead animals Darla (and Tidus) brought back. But this was different... I felt love for the thing. So I buried it next to Stuart.

so yeah, and I dreamed about a cat dying in my sleep. Nice, all this death.

That's all I have to say for now. Bye.

Warning: Rant.

Rant. Rant. Rant.

I'm having another one of those 'why do I exist?' days.
Life, It's so frustrating. What's the point of it?
I've been reading about the world, ancient Rome, Greece etc etc all day. And really, most things are just about war, people getting killed, power, misery. and it all keeps repeating itself over and over for how many centuries now?

Is that how it will be? we die, same thing keeps happening over and over?
That thought just depresses me. That we, I, are really just like ants. We do what we are told, we are born, we learn, we reproduce, we work, we mimic, we die.
I don't want to be an ant. I don't want to exist in this 'society'. I wish to be different.
All of it, this house, the clothes i'm wearing, the language i'm speaking. what's the point of it?

I keep asking myself, what do I want to do in the future? well, there's not a lot of choice really.
We have to study to become whatever it is we want to be. Some people don't have a choice, they're either too poor, too dumb, too average. They can't be what they really want to be so they just chose the next best thing or just cope with whatever comes up.

I don't want to have a life like that. Thing is, I don't even know what I want to do, I just know that I don't want to live by 'rules' other people have made for us. We, most people do whatever other people do. It's almost like people chose not to think for themselves. It's almost like, everything that isn't accepted by other people shouldn't be accepted by them either. It's almost like, everything that isn't seen as 'right' by the majority shouldn't be 'done' by anyone. and i'm so sick of that, why can't people just live their own lives and let everyone else live theirs.

Sure, sometimes, rules have to be made. Killing, bad. right? well, history shows that it is part of who we are, animals do it, we still do it. I'm not saying that we should kill. But, it is part of our nature. I'm not gonna go out and kill a random old woman but I also -- feel like society is turning us into little robots. Killing is just part of human nature, just as love, hate, anger, betrayal. We are flawed creatures, but so what?

In a perfect world, rules would not exist, nor clothing, nor houses or schools. Those things take our freedom from us, it turns us into these puppets.
I know, I am one to say. I use the computer for about 50% of the day, I spend the rest of the day sleeping, eating, doing stupid things like that. And it's not that I love doing what I do, don't get me wrong, I love watching tv and spend my time on forums and all of those stuff. But honestly, I only do it to escape life, it keeps me occupied and from going insane(r).

I ask myself, what do I want to accomplish with my life?
Well, I don't know. Perhaps, get a good job, get a family, be somebody. I mean, what else is there to accomplish? We can't live forever. We can't rule the world. It's that or nothing.

I'm more curious about the after life than life itself to be honest. I don't believe in heaven or hell, but I know that, well, I can feel that once we die, it won't all just be over. I think that the meaning of life will be more clear once we reach the after life. and I am more curious than anything to find out what it is.

Perhaps I shouldn't have the capacity to think. Maybe life would be easier for me if I just did whatever everyone else does.

Yeah, woah. Big brain fart that accomplished nothing. But I do feel better now, trying to speak your thoughts is really the only thing I can do to get rid of them. For a few hours anyway.

I guess i'll go back to my world now. and be JD. Yeah, let me be JD.

Woah, damn. it's been a while since I wrote a new Dairy entry.

I kept putting it off even though I keep wanting to update.

I have go to bed pretty early. Four hours earlier than i've been used to for months.
Tomorrow is my drivers exam. I'd say 40-60% i'll fail. There's a chance, but I don't think I will. I'll probably get nervous and screw up =[
Dammit!
I hope I pass though. I want to have this behind me before school starts.

Yeah, Wednesday to Friday are my introduction days. and next week is when school really starts again O.o. Oh dear goood!


anyway, I wanted to tell you about yesterday,'
I had written this advertisement on a 18+ model site ages ago. I got a lot of reaction from peeps who wanted to make nekkid pictures of me and stuff. I answered a few, but didn't show up at any's. I guess I kinda chickened out.

But two weeks ago, after months, someone else wrote me. Some old crippled dude wanted to draw me. and I said yes =0
Okay, I got 50 Euro's for it. of course the money had something to do with me saying yes...
But I wanted to try something new, hey, better than sitting at home doing nothing like i've been doing for months.

It was a nice experience, I didn't feel any shame or didn't get nervous when I had to go nudy. I don't see why people are so prude-ish about going nude. You were fucking born that day dickheads.
Posing was the hard part because you couldn't move for a loong time. There's one where I had to lie still for an hour or two. That was the longest and I got to sleep a bit. The other ones were sucky positions so they only lasted around 20-30 ish minutes.

I'm definitely gonna do it again. I'm thinking about showing one of the drawings but i'm hesitating.

Oh well, that's all I had to say for now. Bye, bye Diary.

Okay, First week of school. So much to tell, so little interesting to tell.

Let's go day-by-day, shall we?

Monday: Wake up at 6, 8 hours of school
Our first teacher that day is pretty cute. And has a great taste in music (it's cool that they just play music during class.) Then my Mentor who's still the coolest teacher i've ever had. He makes WORD interesting. Last two hours are tutor hours.

Tuesday: Wake up at 9, 4 hours of school
Four hours of one of the most annoying guy ever. But not in a bad way. He's funny, but makes way too many shit and piss puns.

Wednesday: Wake up at 9, 7 hours of school
I honestly forgot what we did on Wednesday.

Thursday: No school. WHOO!

Friday: Wake up at 6, 9 fucking hours of school
I almost died that day trying to stay awake. Effing long day, but the classes were kind of interesting. We get to play with Photoshop, and I get to be all cool because that's like taking candy from a baby for me. And our Mentor is so cool, he let us go one hour earlier. I love him.


I'm really digging my College, i'm doing the exact same course I did on my last two schools. But you can tell how much my last two school sucked compared to this one.
Things are so much better organized, and we actually learn things instead of just sitting there.

And the best part is, we get to go on interns the third and fourth year in a foreign country. I'm thinking about going to Spain first, and then to America. That would be bloody sweet!
Besides, there's a Spanish kid in my class. If I get him to go with me to Spain I wouldn't have to do it all by myself =0

Anyway, life is good right now. perhaps a bit busy. but really, it's time to grow up and make something of my life.


Oh, and I decided to post one of the drawings.
The other ones had awkward positions so i'm probably not gonna post those =p


That one was the one with the long pose. I laid down for more than an hour, and actually got to sleep a bit.

Dayum, It's been a while now hasn't it?

About school, well there are so many things I can tell.
I have enjoyed my new classmates enormously. More than I thought I was ever gonna.

Going to school almost feels like hanging out with friends, and learning stuff I want to.
Ain't that weird?

I wanna introduce some of the gang, which I might mention a lot in the future.

Thirza - She is probably my newest favorite person. She might lack some in movie/music and tv taste (:P) but i'm on my way in reforming her.
She already watched a bunch of my movies; Like Dracula, Interview With A Vampire, Ginger Snaps, Reservoir Dogs & Pulp Fiction. I might be forgetting some.

and she's been watching True Blood every week, and we kinda discuss it at school. That is so cool. I also let her borrow my first two Buffy Seasons and the fifth of Angel. She watched the first three of Angel but I told her to stop until I get my first Season back from Natty.

Fun part is that she comes from Cuba and she speaks Spanish =DDDDDDDD

Marc - Another spanish speaking kid, he comes from Spain. He's a real geek, like, fo' real. He tells me that all he does at home is play games and watch anime.

But He's also really cool. I have to do my first presentation with him, and he's a bit lazy but he does WORK well. I like him a lot.

Peni - I see a lot of talent in her. So far, I think she's the most original one in our class. All her work turns out to be the best or one of the best.

She is a little shy and even though we think her work is amazing, she always says it's ugly. Oh, i've been there.

I like her a lot, she seems like a very loyal person.

Evelyn - Hah, a dutch person who hates dutch people. She told me that she used to be bullied in school and now kind of has this wall around her.

She says she's very insecure, but doesn't really show it. She comes off as a bitch, and I noticed that other people in our class don't like her. But I like her. She's the first one I started to socialize with and we already make fun of each other all the time. So that's a good sign.

There are more, but I mostly talk to these at this moment.

i'm really liking school, and i'm only a little behind on some school work. But i'll catch up next week.




I wanna show some pictures, but I can't find the goddamn cam right now. Once I find it, i'll post some.

I'm officially opening this thread =O

Okay, that's the class portrait on our third day. Not everyone is on it, like Thriza and Marc =[

People that are on it, from left to right;
Evelyn, Peni, Chariss, Shawn, Sera, Stephani, Wesley, Shelly, Youri, Jennie, Jeffrey, Leanor, Chris, Chantal, Robbert, Nynke, Tina, Gino, Melanie, Ryan, Jake, Thijs, Retarded Colombiano =|

Evelyn - She's a bitch, but in a good way =D
Peni - She's adorable, i predict she'll get very far
Chariss - She's always sick =| But haz big BOOBEHZ
Shawn - Hah, he be funneh
Sera - She's harsh, but very intelligent. I like her a lot. Asians <3 but she's married =O
Stephani - She's very cute, but we never really talked =|
Wesley - He's okay
Shelly - Annoying and stupid
Youri - He's cool, and really, really quiet
Jennie - She's german =||| I like her all right, but she asks the dumbest questions. ever. EVER.
Jeffrey - He's emo
Leanor - She's the tallest girl, but also the youngest. We never really talked =|
Chris - Obnoxious and loud. He's irritating
Chantal - Emo
Robbert - He's cool, and weird, but cool
Nyke - Her English is terrible, but she's quite nice
Tina - She gets red all the time, she looks like a Tomato. But she's attractive
Gino - Ugh, can't stand that ignorant foo'
Melanie - She looks arrogant, and cute. but we never really talked =|
Ryan - He's like, addicted to talking =| but he's very cool
Jake - A pretty-boy. Nothing more
Thijs - He's actually very mature, and I like his work

Come pica'z


In Rotterdam. I need a haircut. and a shower xD


Evelyn, ain't she creepy? =O


Thirza doesn't like to get picturz taken =[


Marc was hungreh


Peni wanted to use my camera =XXXXX


Yeah, everyone thinks she's crazy


Seriously, if she puts her hair in front of her face, she'll look like The Grudge =X


Who can resist the asian charm?


"I'm on acid, lolz" - JD


"Does my face look bovvered" - Evelyn


The whole gang, whoo


"Pep me" - Sera


"Peace, bro" - Peni


"I don't know what that means" - Thirza


"Me...want...FOOOD" - Marc


O.o


In class, we're never really doing anything <<


Meet Shawn


He's shy =[


She's satanic =O


Our Photoshop/Illustrator teacher. He told me to erase the picture... guess again <<


Aww, cuteness


Why do I always sit with the freaks? XD


Epic picturez


I was waiting for her outside the bathroom =o